So the interview with Abercrombie & Fitch didn't really go anywhere, but I'm still waiting to hear back from Hot Topic. They said that they wouldn't actually get around to calling people back until October.
In other news, The Big E officially started this past weekend which is kind of a big deal here in my little corner of New England. My mom is working there for several days meaning that I'm often needed to help look after my younger siblings while she's gone. I'm planning on going there some time during its last weekend as SSI will have hit by then and I'll be able to buy some stuff and pig out on Deep Fried Oreos, Cream Puffs, hopefully some Chocolate Covered Bacon and the like.
Also this past weekend, Apple accidentally released the Halloween episode of MLP 6 weeks before it was even supposed to air, so naturally I had to hop on that little bandwagon cuz I'm kind of a rebel like that. XD The episode was very entertaining and had some great character development for my girl, Fluttershy.
Additionally, a few things happening this Saturday. For one, obviously, there's going to be a new MLP episode that I'm looking forward to, but also my grandma is going to be visiting for the next few months so that'll be fun. Also, the new Equestria Girls movie is going to be coming out.
I'm really looking forward to this movie as it's being released directly to TV instead of getting a limited release in select theaters. The problem I had with the latter was that it would never play at any theaters near me and any copy of the movie that people would put on YouTube would be taken down by copyright laws so I wouldn't end up seeing the movie until months after everyone else already had.
Even though I don't get the channel that the movie (or hell even the show) airs on, I can just watch it off of YouTube when someone uploads it, just like how I've watched the past several episodes. I've even been listening to the movie's soundtrack which has some great songs. Some of my favorites being Acadeca and Unleash The Magic (which I feel almost has a Tim Burton vibe to it).
Finally, my next countdown list of the Top 12 Movies I Like, But Everyone Else Hates will be coming out 2 weeks from now (though I might put out a post or 2 before then). So until then I hope you guys have a great rest of the week and I'll see you on the next post. Take care.
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Top 12 Movies I Dislike, But Everyone Else Loves
Over the past several years, I've come to think of myself as somewhat of a connoisseur when it comes to movies. I've seen good movies, bad movies, and even movies that were just kinda meh. But, during this time, I've come across movies that a lot of people really love, but I just can't stand them. They drive me insane. The point I'm trying to make is that no movie is perfect and disliking a movie everyone else loves or liking a movie everyone else hates doesn't say anything about you being intelligent or stupid or better or worse than everyone else. In the end, it's all just opinion and how well you can explain it.
So to prove it, for this post, I'm going to be explaining/counting down the Top 12 Movies I Dislike, But Everyone Else Loves, which will later be followed by a Top 12 Movies I Like, But Everyone Else Hates list (following in the grand tradition of Doug Walker AKA Nostalgia Critic and Tony Whatley II AKA The Black Critic Guy). Before I start this list, I want to make it clear that I don't necessarily "hate" any of the movies on this list... for the most part (once we get to the Top 4 or 5 we'd probably land in "hate" territory). I just don't like them as much as everyone else does. Also there's going to be some talk about the plots of these movies so SPOILER ALERT!!!! Finally, if you like any of these movies, then good for you. I'm not gonna stop you from liking any of them. These are just movies that I personally do not care for because of the effect they had on me. So, without any further ado, let's start the list.
XII. Hercules (1997)
Now this was one of the 3 movies associated with the declining point of the Disney Renaissance after The Lion King, with the other 2 being Pocahontas and The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, and I'm not gonna lie, I never saw this movie as a kid (neither did I see the other 2 when I was a kid) because my mom was part of a community of public schooling moms who, if one mom said something bad about a movie, all of us kids were screwed. None of us would be allowed to see that movie, but I digress.
All this time, though, I kept hearing people talking about how great Hercules was so, finally, a couple years ago, one of my friends invited me over to watch it for the first time. After watching it... it just seemed to be borrowing from whatever was popular. But before I get into that, I'll start off with what I liked about the movie, because it's by no means terrible.
I thought the musical style was interesting as it went for more of a Southern Gospel type of feel to it. I also liked the villain, Hades, mostly because of how different he was from other portrayals of him, being more along the lines of a fast talking car salesman. Finally, I thought the designs of these mythological creatures were pretty cool like the Centaur, the Hydra, and even the 3 Fates.
But the problems that I had with it were that the style of the movie seemed to almost be copying Aladdin with its whole Las Vegas feel and the fact that it's just another one of those underdog stories like Rocky. Hell, Phil the Satyr is way too similar to Rocky's trainer, Mick, for it to be just a coincidence. Not to mention that the story also majorly borrows from the earlier Superman movies especially the "god living among men" aspect.
Another thing that kind of bothered me was the whole Disney-fying of Hercules himself by making him a full on god, born of Zeus and Hera, who when he was a baby was made to drink a potion that took away his immortality but still left him with supernatural strength, when Greek Mythology says that he was a demigod, born from Zeus and a mortal woman.
Now I know what you're thinking. "C'mon, David, it's a Disney movie. There's no way that they'd be able to slip that in." Need I remind you that this was the same studio that tackled the topic of lust just 1 movie prior? Even a decade after this movie, Disney owned company Pixar released Ratatouille where they managed to slip in the fact that one of the main characters was born out of wedlock. They could've pulled something similar off here.
So yeah. Don't entirely get why people like this movie soo much because, to me, it all just amounted to being very average. Out of the 3 movies associated with the decline, The Hunchback Of Notre Dame is the only one that I think is decent while Pocahontas and Hercules I put on about the same level. Actually, maybe I'd put Hercules slightly higher than Pocahontas. I dunno. Let's just move on to the next one.
XI. The Terminal (2004)
This was a movie that I actually found out later was partially inspired by a true story of a man who was stuck living in an airport in France for 18 years. In fact, when this movie was released, the man had been at the airport for 16 of those years. When my dad had either borrowed this movie from the library or rented it from Blockbuster (those were the days) and explained the plot about a man from a foreign country who's basically in a literal limbo, unable to enter the United States or return home because of a civil war that broke out in his country midflight, I was interested.
I can hardly remember a thing from this movie. I vaguely remember something about collecting autographs, 2 characters getting married at the airport, and something about the main character developing a romantic connection with an air stewardess only for her to return to her relationship with an already married man. Nice! That's just what I want in my movies.
This movie was just really forgettable for me and I have no interest in remembering anything from it. So next number.
X. Monsters University (2013)
Little bit of backstory about me: Monsters Inc. was the first Pixar movie I ever saw in its original theatrical run and I LOVED it (but then again I loved pretty much every Pixar movie back then). Even as a 9 year-old at the time, after first seeing it, my mind was racing with all the possible directions that this movie could go in with a sequel. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted a sequel to become a reality.
Fast forward 12 years and we wind up with an 80s college movie prequel. FAIL!!!!!!!! This movie just borrows everything from 80s college movies from the overused cliches to the stereotypical character types we've seen countless times before. Aside from some occasionally interesting character designs (my absolute favorite is the design of Dean Abigail Hardscrabble with the appearance of a giant exotic centipede with bat wings), the story is just soo formulaic and predictable... for the most part.
I will admit that the ending of the movie is the one strong point to it as it has a message not seen much in kid's movies, about how you don't have to always go the conventional route to fulfill your dreams, but, at the same time, delivering the harsh truth that some dreams you have to eventually give up on when it doesn't work out for you. That's pretty rare and deep for a kid's movie to have that kind of message. Unfortunately, for me, it's not a movie that I intend on going back to anytime soon.
IX. Cars (2006)
I don't have any problem with saying that I think Cars is the weakest franchise in Pixar's film catalog, but even then I know that the worst Pixar movies are literally nothing compared to the worst Dreamworks movies.
The story is really nothing that interesting as it's already been told numerous times before. It's the basic "hotshot living in the fast lane who then gets dragged down to 'hillbilly hell' (as he refers to it) and has to learn about thinking of others instead of just himself." Boring. Doesn't interest me at all. Like... at all.
What really bothered me about this movie was that it came out after The Incredibles, which was like my all time favorite Pixar movie back then, and The Incredibles was such a great movie that I was really hoping that there would be a sequel to it. At the time, though, Toy Story was the only Pixar movie to have a sequel, so I was just like "O.K. Pixar. You wanna just stick with Toy Story as the only sequel producing money maker? That's cool. You just do you." But then when Cars 2 came out, I was just like "What the fuck, Pixar!?! Why the hell was Cars deserving of a sequel more than The Incredibles?!?" And of course, Cars 2 was a piece of shit (but again, I've seen worse from Dreamworks).
Thankfully, Pixar eventually announced that an Incredibles sequel is finally in the works (they also announced Cars 3, but I choose to ignore that). I've been waiting for over a decade for this sequel. I'VE EARNED IT DAMMIT!!! So yeah. Not particularly a fan of the Cars franchise and I think there's very little that might actually change that.
VIII. Avatar (2009)
O.K. I was never one of the people who originally saw this movie in theaters, which I've heard was the best way to see it with the 3-D, but I kept on hearing all of this hype for this movie; it was all over the news, nominated for several Oscars (including Best Picture), and it became the highest grossing movie of all time after spending months in the #1 Box Office spot.
When I finally got around to watching it, the visuals were really great, but the story is soo basic and boring. Just like I said before with Cars, we've heard this story to death. It's the same environmental bullshit that we've seen in Pocahontas, Ferngully, Dances With Wolves, Happy Feet (no offense as I genuinely like this movie), and countless others like it.
It's really frustrating because the visuals are that good, but the story is just completely predictable and half assed in favor of style over substance. And what makes it worse is that they've already confirmed that there are going to be at least 2 more sequels which are probably just going to be rinse and repeat versions of this. Still, I'll try to reserve judgement until then. Overrated movie IMO, but at least it looks pretty.
VII. Independence Day (1996)
This is a movie that I'm particularly surprised as to why people love it that much. The alien designs I didn't find particularly interesting, nor the majority of the characters, the whole movie seemed like an excuse to promote Apple computers, and there's just a lot of stuff that doesn't make sense about it.
First off is the fact that the ships are soo large that with a mass like that, they would've caused major flooding before they even blew up the White House. Next up is the fact that the President goes to fight in the final battle against the aliens. That was really corny. But the absolute worst part for me is the fact that the aliens are defeated by a computer virus. What? Where the hell did this come from?
The fact that a freakin computer virus defeats them is just so ridiculously laughable. It makes me think of the aliens from Signs who were simply defeated because they were allergic to water, which covers like 71% of the Earth or something, not to mention rain. I honestly don't know which of the 2 movie aliens are the biggest pussies. The ones from War Of The Worlds who were killed off because they hadn't developed an immunity to the microbes in our atmosphere I let slide because it was based off of a classic book by H.G. Wells and it actually makes sense if you think about it.
Still, with all that said, Will Smith was tons of fun here and seeing the White House get blown up is an iconic image in cinema. There was just too much that doesn't make sense to me.
VI. Big Hero 6 (2014)
AND
Brave (2012)
Now I put both of these movies in the same spot because both of them won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature in their respective years and, in my opinion, there were much better Animated movies in those years that were far more deserving of that title.
Big Hero 6 was a movie that I was pretty hyped for when I found out it was going to come out as it was the first animated Disney movie to be based off of a Marvel property. I was also interested in the concept of San Fransokyo and a lot of the designs having more of an Eastern feel to them.
But, somewhere along the line, I just lost interest in it to the point where, when I finally did get around to watching it, it was just... O.K. Nothing terrible, but nothing that I felt made it stand out from any other superhero movie I'd seen. The character types are basically recycled, the story I didn't find particularly interesting... for the most part, and it seemed to have more in common with superhero movies from a decade or so ago than ones from today.
Not all of it is bad though. The moments that focus on Hiro and Baymax's relationship as the latter tries to help the former deal with the loss of his older brother are cute and where I believe the focus truly belongs. But when it tries to be a superhero movie, it just comes off as basic, standard, and predictable. I literally called every moment that happened in this movie.
The one thing that really pisses me off though is, when Oscar season was coming around, there were some great animated movies to be nominated for Best Animated Feature like How To Train Your Dragon 2, The Boxtrolls, and Song Of The Sea (which me and my friend Meredith were cheering for as we both LOVE Cartoon Saloon's work which you guys should totally check out if you haven't already). But on the weekend of the Oscars, Meredith shared an article where one of the panelists on the Oscar Board of Directors was interviewed about his selections for the different categories and, just like Meredith, I. Was. LIVID!!!
This guy basically said that he voted for Big Hero 6 because his kid liked it. He also went on to say that he thought that The Lego Movie should've been nominated instead of these "2 fucking Chinese movies (Song Of The Sea and The Tale Of The Princess Kaguya) that no one gave a shit about or even bothered to see."
O.K. Time out here. First off, Song Of The Sea is from Ireland and The Tale Of The Princess Kaguya is from Japan (Studio Ghibli no less). Get a fucking education before saying something stupid like this. Second, voting for a movie because your kid likes it doesn't make your opinion come off as being in any way intelligent or refined, not to mention it's not even your opinion here, it's your kid's. Third, few people saw them because they only had limited releases in certain places. I certainly know that I would've seen them had they been playing in a nearby theater. And finally, to paraphrase what Meredith said, it should be a law that anyone on the board who has the power to vote for or against these movies has to have actually seen them first. I shit you not, in that same article, this guy said that he only voted for a certain foreign film because he liked the poster. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!
So it goes without saying that the 2 of us were pretty pissed when it won (and Meredith even went off on a Twitter rant shortly afterwards) because there were much better, more deserving movies than this.
Like Big Hero 6, Brave was a movie that I was pretty excited for as it was set in Medieval Scotland with a strong lean toward Fantasy (a first for Pixar). I was sure that this was going to be something within the same realm as The Legend Of Zelda. When I got around to seeing it, though, I was pretty disappointed. It was just another movie with a princess character who doesn't want to be a princess, butts heads with her mother regarding social norms, and then causes a mistake that she has to fix.
Like I said before with Hercules borrowing from whatever was popular, this movie seems to just borrow from previous Disney Princesses like Jasmine, Belle, and Pocahontas while also having the mother get turned into a bear. Wha- WAIT A FUCK!!! You're seriously borrowing the "character getting turned into a bear" story arc from Brother Bear?!? That movie wasn't even remotely popular!!! Are you guys really that desperate?!?
I give Pixar credit for the fact that it was trying to focus more on a mother/daughter relationship when those types aren't seen that much in kid's movies and the animation is great as usual (particularly the Medieval landscape), but I have a real problem with the personality of Merida. The problem being that she acts too much like a modern teenager with her whole attitude towards the norms of society. Why is this a problem? Because it doesn't match up with the Medieval, old timey, Scottish setting that it takes place in.
Now it's true that in one of my favorite Disney movies of all-time, The Little Mermaid, the main character of Ariel could be seen as somewhat similar in attitude when the story is set around the early 1800s, but I give that movie a pass because... you've got a Rastafarian crab singing Calypso so I don't think keeping to the norms of that time was their biggest concern.
Though to be fair, the last third of the movie is particularly good as it has both the mother and the daughter learning something from the other. Merida, a character who's more prone to taking action through her wild nature, ends up having to use diplomacy to keep peace between the different clans and the queen, who's more prone to using diplomacy, ends up having to channel her wild nature when protecting her daughter from an ancient evil being. This goes to show that both diplomacy and... "wildness" have their own place.
Brave came out in 2012 which was a gold mine for great animated movies. Yeah we had shit like The Lorax remake and Ice Age 4 (with a 5th one on the way. UGGH!!!!), but some of my favorite animated movies came out that year also like Madagascar 3, Wreck-It Ralph (which I saw 3 times in its original theatrical run), ParaNorman, and even Hotel Transylvania wasn't that bad either. Brave just seemed to be a continuation of what I like to call the "Pixar Slump", a period of time stretching from 2011-2014 where Pixar just put out really mediocre movies unlike what they normally do. Thank God that Inside Out came out this past summer because Pixar really needed that movie to succeed critically instead of just financially and it definitely restored them to my good graces again.
I feel like I should probably warn you guys that these next several entries fall very strongly into that "hate" category I mentioned earlier and therefore there will be a good amount of ranting to follow. Proceed with caution.
V. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)
I've heard a lot of people point out Prisoner Of Azkaban as everyone's least favorite/least cared about movie in the Harry Potter Saga, but for me, my least favorite is Order of the Phoenix. Now there are plenty of reasons why I hate this movie, many of which can be linked back to one name: Dolores Umbridge.
I could punch this broad in the face I fucking hate her that much (and no I don't condone violence against women). The fact that this bitch gets away with all these illegal deeds just because she has a high position in the Ministry Of Magic sickens me.
So Harry starts off getting in trouble with the Ministry for underage use of magic in the Muggle world despite the fact that he was using it to protect himself and his cousin from attacking Dementors and the Ministry still doesn't believe him. Next, when Umbridge is appointed as the new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts, she doesn't teach any defense against the dark arts (you had one job AND YOU FUCKED IT UP). And I haven't even gotten to the illegal stuff she does yet.
First off, when she tries to get Harry to stop talking about Voldemort's return, as part of her own twisted agenda, she subjects him to torture via a cursed pen that magically carves whatever the person writes into the back of their hand. Second, she illegally uses Veritaserum (literal truth serum) to get one student to reveal where the other students are meeting to learn how to defend themselves from dark magic (which is what she SHOULD'VE BEEN TEACHING THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE). And finally (and I mean the real fucking candle on the cake here), she threatens to use the Cruciatus Curse (a torture curse) on Harry to get information out of him.
I'm sorry. Did I... miss something here? Wasn't the Cruciatus Curse just one fucking movie ago established as one of the 3 Unforgivable Curses that anyone who casts them would immediately be sent to Azkaban for life and this whore bag is threatening to use it on Harry? What the hell makes her think that she can get away with it all of a sudden?!? I mean... there's abuse of power and then there's... this.
There were a few things that I found kind of interesting like Harry's PTSD from his first encounter with Voldemort and even his fears that he's becoming more like him, but those are few and far between. If you honestly want more reasons why I hate this movie, go watch CinemaSins. I'm just soo tired from that rant, but we've still got 4 more movies to get through so on to the next one.
IV. Frankenweenie (2012)
Now I'm a huge Tim Burton fan, but even I don't love all of his work. With that said, even with movies I don't entirely like, I've been able to find at least one thing that I enjoyed from his movies (except for Dark Shadows I honestly can't think of anything I enjoyed from that). So before I go about bashing this movie, let me start off with what I genuinely liked about it.
What I really liked about this the most was how this movie was basically a love letter to all the classic monster movies with all its references to Horror iconography. Mr. Rzykruski's design is inspired by Vincent Price, Nassor's design is similar to Boris Karloff's portrayal of Frankenstein's monster, and Edgar's appearance brings to mind Igor and that's just with the human characters.
The animals draw heavy inspiration from The Bride of Frankenstein to Boris Karloff's Mummy to the Wolf Man to Dracula to Japanese monster, Gamera, and even the Gremlins get a shout out here. There's even an homage to stop-motion classic, Santa Claus is Comin to Town, with the character of Mayor Bergermeister, who shares both the name and even somewhat of the appearance of the villain from the aforementioned Christmas special, Burgermeister Meisterburger.
So y'all have heard me sing this movie's praises plenty enough. What could I possibly find to hate about it? Well... none of the characters are that memorable to me. I mean sure, a lot of them look like famous horror icons, but I don't even remember their personalities and therefore I can't remember a single thing about them or relate to them. But the biggest problem I have with it is the godawful ending.
Now I already mentioned before that there was going to be talk about the movie plots in this list, but, just for the hell of it, SPOILER ALERT!!!! You guys all set with that? You are? Alright then. Let's continue.
So Victor's parents end up discovering that Victor resurrected Sparky and his dad tells him something that I thought was very important: meddling around with life and death (basically trying to play God) can be a very deadly path to walk and that, when a loved one dies, we need to accept it as part of the natural way of being and move on from that. That's a pretty strong message right there.
Then in the big climax, Sparky rescues Victor from a burning windmill, but is unable to escape himself before the building crashes down on top of him, killing him in the process. When his body was recovered from the wreckage, I was curious if they were going to stick to their guns and keep him dead or if they were going to puss out and bring him back.
Victor's dad asks him if he plans on reviving Sparky to which Victor says that he's going to choose to listen to what his dad had said earlier, coming to terms with the loss of his pet in the process. I was just like "Good for you, movie. Nice message to send out to anyone who might be suffering through the loss of someone close to them." What does Victor's dad say though? "Sometimes adults don't know what they're talking about." And what happens? They resurrect him anyways. If I may paraphrase something from a Nostalgia Critic review, my thoughts about that were something like this, "Oh that's great, dad. That's great. You basically threw the moral right out the window. Wonderful. (incoherent happy noises) WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING!?!"
I'm sorry, but that ending just pisses me off as I feel like it gave a big fat middle finger to anyone who might be dealing with a loss by being completely unrealistic with its handling of the subject and I just can't let it slide. I don't even think that was Burton's original vision for it to end like that. I mean, this guy has killed off protagonist characters in kid and adult movies alike. The one that comes to mind currently is Corpse Bride when Emily, at the end, has finally been set free and dissipates (much like Master Oogway in Kung Fu Panda now that I think about it). This is clearly a studio decision because they didn't have the balls to leave the character dead.
I know a lot of people like this movie and there are some good things about it, but that puss out ending is too painfully obvious for me to ignore. I'd much rather watch that year's Hotel Transylvania or ParaNorman if I want a good monster movie. At least with those movies I don't feel like my intelligence is being insulted.
III. Iron Man 3 (2013)
I know a lot of people quickly point to Thor: The Dark World as being the weakest entry in Marvel's Phase Two lineup, but, in my opinion, that dishonor goes to Iron Man 3. Why? Because I feel like you could've completely taken it out of the MCU and hardly anything would change.
Now I had followed the first 2 Iron Man movies pretty closely so, when they mentioned this terrorist group in the first movie known as The Ten Rings, I knew that at some point they were going to introduce The Mandarin and I was hyped to see it happen. At first, I was pretty skeptical of Sir Ben Kingsley playing the role of The Mandarin as I thought it would be better suited for someone like Ken Watanabe, but after seeing him in costume with the hair even styled after The Mandarin from the comics, I thought to myself "Hey. Maybe he can actually pull it off."
But then what happened? You've got one of the worst plot twists in cinema history since the one in Breaking Dawn Part 2 where he's really just a British actor by the name of Trevor Slattery who merely acted the part, turning The Mandarin into a fucking joke in the process! The "real" Mandarin is some guy named Aldrich Killian (who doesn't in ANY WAY RESEMBLE THE MANDARIN FROM THE COMICS) and as if THAT wasn't enough, Killian's backstory is basically "copy and paste" ripped off from The Incredibles! Hell, they practically even have the same length of time between the flashback and present day of about 15 years!
WOW! That is a lot for you to just expect me to buy! Aside from that I just find it to be an unnecessary movie because I just don't see any way that it connects to any of the others in the MCU. I mean sure you've got Tony Stark suffering from PTSD after the Chitauri invasion in The Avengers, but... that's about it. Even the post-credits scene, where they typically try to set up hype for a future Marvel movie, is just Tony waking up Bruce Banner who fell asleep while he was telling him about all the events we just saw already. I'm sorry, but that just seemed really weak to me compared to what we've gotten in the past and are continuing to get now. To me, it's like the Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Dark Knight Rises, X-Men: The Last Stand, or Spider-Man 3 of the Iron Man trilogy (fitting because all these movies were the 2nd sequels of their respective franchises).
II. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)
Again, going right back to what I said about Iron Man 3, this just seemed like an unnecessary movie as it's never brought up in any of the other movies in the franchise. This movie was released about 3 years after Raiders Of The Lost Ark, but, instead of a sequel, this was a prequel (the second one to make this list I might add).
One of the things that I always loved about the Indiana Jones movies was how kick-ass Awesome the women were. From Marion Ravenwood in Raiders Of The Lost Ark to Elsa Schneider in The Last Crusade to even Irina Spalko in Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, they were always a ton of fun to watch. But then you've got this movie where the leading lady you're stuck with throughout the film's majority is Willie Scott, or as the Nostalgia Critic referred to her as, "that pain in the ass who never shut the fuck up".
She's in no way funny, doesn't contribute anything to the group, and constantly has to be saved, all while she's constantly screaming at every little thing that bothers her. Many people point to Short Round as being really annoying, but I'm not nearly as harsh towards him because HE ACTUALLY DOES STUFF TO CONTRIBUTE!!! Some examples are that he can actually drive a car, he breaks out of his bonds after being captured, and at one point even has to come to Willie's rescue.
That's gotta be really pathetic, lady, when you have to be rescued by a 9 year-old Chinese boy who hardly understands English! Fluttershy from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is telling you to grow a pair for God's sake! FLUTTERSHY!!! I'm tempted to use the phrase "sexy lamp" to describe Willie (a phrase created by Lindsey Ellis AKA The Nostalgia Chick to describe a hot female character in a movie who you could just replace with a lamp and nothing would change), but, in all honesty, I never found Willie that hot. I certainly don't see whatever the hell Indy saw in her that he would take her along with him and constantly save her every time.
Many people point to Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull as being terrible because of how unrealistic some of the scenes are, particularly the scene where Indy hides in a lead lined fridge to survive a nuclear blast, and to those people I pose this question: So... you mean to tell me... that surviving a nuclear blast by hiding in a fridge is going too far... BUT... jumping out of a plane on an inflatable raft, landing on/sledding down a snowy slope on said raft, AND flying off the edge of a cliff until you and the raft land in the river below all without sustaining any injuries is completely 100% believable and plausible?!? If your answer is "Yes" to this, I want whatever the hell you're puffing.
Aside from all that, the film's second half is extremely dark and not that pleasant to watch. Don't get me wrong. I love dark elements in movies like Pinocchio, The Secret Of NIMH, and The Hunchback Of Notre Dame and the other Indiana Jones movies had dark moments too, but the difference between them and Temple of Doom is that they had a sense of fun and lightheartedness to them while this just shows kids constantly being tortured and begging for death. Sounds like a fucking blast to me!!!
Though to this movie's very little credit, it was somewhat more of a risk taker than some of the other Indiana Jones movies and it could definitely be said that late Bollywood actor, Amrish Puri, is very memorable as the villainous Thuggee priest, Mola Ram. I even heard somewhere that this was one of the movies responsible for the creation of the PG-13 rating. Still, this is going to be one of those movies that I just avoid like the plague.
WARNING!!!!!!!! The following entry you're about to see might cause extreme anger for its inclusion on this list especially at soo high a spot. What follows this entry will be a no holds barred uncensored bashing of this movie. Side effects of viewing this entry and its bashing might include increased stress, fits of rage, extreme verbal lashing, and labeling me as the demon spawn of Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, AND Kim Jong Il (just to name a few). If you do not wish for any of these things to befall you, I suggest that you leave this list right now and find something else to do. For those of you who've chosen to stick around, you've been warned. So with all that out of the way, the #1 movie that I hate but everyone else seems to love is...
I. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)
Well well well. Going from a Willie who annoyed the fuck out of me to another Willy who just made me feel uncomfortable most of the time. To a lot of people, saying anything bad about this movie would be the equivalent of killing a sacred cow, but I just despise this movie soo much it's hard for me to put into words.
Now, when I was younger, I really enjoyed the book Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. I loved how the Willy Wonka from the book was both charming and whimsical yet also eccentric and mischievous, the illustrations of the Oompa Loompas looked adorable as these little pygmy characters, and Charlie himself was representative of the type of character that most people wanted to be like: selfless and kind.
When I saw this movie, I hated how much it strayed away from the original book (and still do). The Wonka here seems to be much more focused on the charming, whimsical side to the point where there were moments I felt really uncomfortable around him. The way that he said the line "Two naughty, nasty little children gone. Three good, sweet little children left", (shudders) I don't know, it just sounded super pedo to me and I felt unsettled even as a kid watching this.
The one time that I think Wonka even got eccentric in the movie was with the infamous tunnel scene. Speaking of which, WHAT THE FLYING HELL WAS THAT SCENE EVEN DOING IN THE MOVIE!?! It was never in the original book and it just shows a whole bunch of really disturbing shit like decapitating chickens and bugs crawling all over people's faces.
The Oompa Loompas in this movie were hideous looking to the point where I actually had nightmares because of them. The book never said anything about them having bad spray tans, snot green hair, or even bleached white eyebrows so what the hell influenced that design choice? Oh and don't even get me started on their song.
Yeah. I said "song". They sing four times throughout the movie, but it's all just the same damn song that they tweak some of the lyrics to and change up the music to try to pass it off as something different each time. Rinse and repeat. And that song to me is just ear rape. Listening to that song just makes me want to kill myself so I don't have to listen to it anymore.
As for the other songs, I hardly even remember any of them. I couldn't sing a line from any of them to save my life. Also the kid who played Charlie in this movie seemed too much like a pessimist and a whiner throughout the beginning when the Golden Ticket promo was going on and he was even kind of greedy sometimes. The Charlie from the book I remembered as always trying to look at the positive side of things and was supposed to represent the shining example of what we as humans wanted to strive towards being.
As I said before, this movie strays soo far from its source material in many areas and I understand that some changes had to be made. For example, changing the squirrel nut sorting scene to instead have giant geese that lay golden chocolate eggs is understandable because they didn't have the technology to do squirrels much less have them attack Veruca. But everything else just annoyed me to no end and I'm not the only person who hated this movie.
Original "Charlie" author, Roald Dahl, was originally a scriptwriter for this movie, but was kicked out of the project when he failed to meet deadlines, therefore having no creative control over the final product. He didn't even want Gene Wilder to portray Wonka in this (more on Wilder in a later post). When the movie finally came out, Dahl hated it soo much that he forbid them from making a sequel based off of Charlie And The Great Glass Elevator (which I admittedly have never read as I didn't even know it existed) and, ever since then, Dahl's estate has been very strict and stingy with any and all film adaptations of his work.
What really pisses me off the most about this movie is how many people hold this film up as a flawless masterpiece even with all the divergences from the original book. To give an example, Stanley Kubrick directed the movie The Shining based off of the popular Stephen King novel and a lot of people hail it as one of the cinematic greats (you could even say that it was directed by one of the cinematic greats), but Stephen King himself didn't approve of the movie (just like how Dahl didn't approve of Willy Wonka). However, even with people still praising The Shining movie as a classic, I've heard plenty of people point out that the movie itself isn't the most faithful to the book it's based on.
With all that said, why the hell does something like Willy Wonka just get off scot free with straying from the author's original vision? Why the flying fuck does it just get a free pass here? Personally, I don't think it should, but I've ranted long enough so I'll just save the rest for another post.
So those were the Top 12 Movies I Dislike/Hate, But Everyone Else Loves and I'd like to know, what's a movie that you can't stand but everyone else seems to love? Anyways, stay tuned for next month when I'll be releasing my Top 12 Movies I Like, But Everyone Else Hates list and you'll be able to get your revenge on me. Take care.
So to prove it, for this post, I'm going to be explaining/counting down the Top 12 Movies I Dislike, But Everyone Else Loves, which will later be followed by a Top 12 Movies I Like, But Everyone Else Hates list (following in the grand tradition of Doug Walker AKA Nostalgia Critic and Tony Whatley II AKA The Black Critic Guy). Before I start this list, I want to make it clear that I don't necessarily "hate" any of the movies on this list... for the most part (once we get to the Top 4 or 5 we'd probably land in "hate" territory). I just don't like them as much as everyone else does. Also there's going to be some talk about the plots of these movies so SPOILER ALERT!!!! Finally, if you like any of these movies, then good for you. I'm not gonna stop you from liking any of them. These are just movies that I personally do not care for because of the effect they had on me. So, without any further ado, let's start the list.
XII. Hercules (1997)
Now this was one of the 3 movies associated with the declining point of the Disney Renaissance after The Lion King, with the other 2 being Pocahontas and The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, and I'm not gonna lie, I never saw this movie as a kid (neither did I see the other 2 when I was a kid) because my mom was part of a community of public schooling moms who, if one mom said something bad about a movie, all of us kids were screwed. None of us would be allowed to see that movie, but I digress.
All this time, though, I kept hearing people talking about how great Hercules was so, finally, a couple years ago, one of my friends invited me over to watch it for the first time. After watching it... it just seemed to be borrowing from whatever was popular. But before I get into that, I'll start off with what I liked about the movie, because it's by no means terrible.
I thought the musical style was interesting as it went for more of a Southern Gospel type of feel to it. I also liked the villain, Hades, mostly because of how different he was from other portrayals of him, being more along the lines of a fast talking car salesman. Finally, I thought the designs of these mythological creatures were pretty cool like the Centaur, the Hydra, and even the 3 Fates.
But the problems that I had with it were that the style of the movie seemed to almost be copying Aladdin with its whole Las Vegas feel and the fact that it's just another one of those underdog stories like Rocky. Hell, Phil the Satyr is way too similar to Rocky's trainer, Mick, for it to be just a coincidence. Not to mention that the story also majorly borrows from the earlier Superman movies especially the "god living among men" aspect.
Another thing that kind of bothered me was the whole Disney-fying of Hercules himself by making him a full on god, born of Zeus and Hera, who when he was a baby was made to drink a potion that took away his immortality but still left him with supernatural strength, when Greek Mythology says that he was a demigod, born from Zeus and a mortal woman.
Now I know what you're thinking. "C'mon, David, it's a Disney movie. There's no way that they'd be able to slip that in." Need I remind you that this was the same studio that tackled the topic of lust just 1 movie prior? Even a decade after this movie, Disney owned company Pixar released Ratatouille where they managed to slip in the fact that one of the main characters was born out of wedlock. They could've pulled something similar off here.
So yeah. Don't entirely get why people like this movie soo much because, to me, it all just amounted to being very average. Out of the 3 movies associated with the decline, The Hunchback Of Notre Dame is the only one that I think is decent while Pocahontas and Hercules I put on about the same level. Actually, maybe I'd put Hercules slightly higher than Pocahontas. I dunno. Let's just move on to the next one.
XI. The Terminal (2004)
This was a movie that I actually found out later was partially inspired by a true story of a man who was stuck living in an airport in France for 18 years. In fact, when this movie was released, the man had been at the airport for 16 of those years. When my dad had either borrowed this movie from the library or rented it from Blockbuster (those were the days) and explained the plot about a man from a foreign country who's basically in a literal limbo, unable to enter the United States or return home because of a civil war that broke out in his country midflight, I was interested.
I can hardly remember a thing from this movie. I vaguely remember something about collecting autographs, 2 characters getting married at the airport, and something about the main character developing a romantic connection with an air stewardess only for her to return to her relationship with an already married man. Nice! That's just what I want in my movies.
This movie was just really forgettable for me and I have no interest in remembering anything from it. So next number.
X. Monsters University (2013)
Little bit of backstory about me: Monsters Inc. was the first Pixar movie I ever saw in its original theatrical run and I LOVED it (but then again I loved pretty much every Pixar movie back then). Even as a 9 year-old at the time, after first seeing it, my mind was racing with all the possible directions that this movie could go in with a sequel. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted a sequel to become a reality.
Fast forward 12 years and we wind up with an 80s college movie prequel. FAIL!!!!!!!! This movie just borrows everything from 80s college movies from the overused cliches to the stereotypical character types we've seen countless times before. Aside from some occasionally interesting character designs (my absolute favorite is the design of Dean Abigail Hardscrabble with the appearance of a giant exotic centipede with bat wings), the story is just soo formulaic and predictable... for the most part.
I will admit that the ending of the movie is the one strong point to it as it has a message not seen much in kid's movies, about how you don't have to always go the conventional route to fulfill your dreams, but, at the same time, delivering the harsh truth that some dreams you have to eventually give up on when it doesn't work out for you. That's pretty rare and deep for a kid's movie to have that kind of message. Unfortunately, for me, it's not a movie that I intend on going back to anytime soon.
IX. Cars (2006)
I don't have any problem with saying that I think Cars is the weakest franchise in Pixar's film catalog, but even then I know that the worst Pixar movies are literally nothing compared to the worst Dreamworks movies.
The story is really nothing that interesting as it's already been told numerous times before. It's the basic "hotshot living in the fast lane who then gets dragged down to 'hillbilly hell' (as he refers to it) and has to learn about thinking of others instead of just himself." Boring. Doesn't interest me at all. Like... at all.
What really bothered me about this movie was that it came out after The Incredibles, which was like my all time favorite Pixar movie back then, and The Incredibles was such a great movie that I was really hoping that there would be a sequel to it. At the time, though, Toy Story was the only Pixar movie to have a sequel, so I was just like "O.K. Pixar. You wanna just stick with Toy Story as the only sequel producing money maker? That's cool. You just do you." But then when Cars 2 came out, I was just like "What the fuck, Pixar!?! Why the hell was Cars deserving of a sequel more than The Incredibles?!?" And of course, Cars 2 was a piece of shit (but again, I've seen worse from Dreamworks).
Thankfully, Pixar eventually announced that an Incredibles sequel is finally in the works (they also announced Cars 3, but I choose to ignore that). I've been waiting for over a decade for this sequel. I'VE EARNED IT DAMMIT!!! So yeah. Not particularly a fan of the Cars franchise and I think there's very little that might actually change that.
VIII. Avatar (2009)
O.K. I was never one of the people who originally saw this movie in theaters, which I've heard was the best way to see it with the 3-D, but I kept on hearing all of this hype for this movie; it was all over the news, nominated for several Oscars (including Best Picture), and it became the highest grossing movie of all time after spending months in the #1 Box Office spot.
When I finally got around to watching it, the visuals were really great, but the story is soo basic and boring. Just like I said before with Cars, we've heard this story to death. It's the same environmental bullshit that we've seen in Pocahontas, Ferngully, Dances With Wolves, Happy Feet (no offense as I genuinely like this movie), and countless others like it.
It's really frustrating because the visuals are that good, but the story is just completely predictable and half assed in favor of style over substance. And what makes it worse is that they've already confirmed that there are going to be at least 2 more sequels which are probably just going to be rinse and repeat versions of this. Still, I'll try to reserve judgement until then. Overrated movie IMO, but at least it looks pretty.
VII. Independence Day (1996)
This is a movie that I'm particularly surprised as to why people love it that much. The alien designs I didn't find particularly interesting, nor the majority of the characters, the whole movie seemed like an excuse to promote Apple computers, and there's just a lot of stuff that doesn't make sense about it.
First off is the fact that the ships are soo large that with a mass like that, they would've caused major flooding before they even blew up the White House. Next up is the fact that the President goes to fight in the final battle against the aliens. That was really corny. But the absolute worst part for me is the fact that the aliens are defeated by a computer virus. What? Where the hell did this come from?
The fact that a freakin computer virus defeats them is just so ridiculously laughable. It makes me think of the aliens from Signs who were simply defeated because they were allergic to water, which covers like 71% of the Earth or something, not to mention rain. I honestly don't know which of the 2 movie aliens are the biggest pussies. The ones from War Of The Worlds who were killed off because they hadn't developed an immunity to the microbes in our atmosphere I let slide because it was based off of a classic book by H.G. Wells and it actually makes sense if you think about it.
Still, with all that said, Will Smith was tons of fun here and seeing the White House get blown up is an iconic image in cinema. There was just too much that doesn't make sense to me.
VI. Big Hero 6 (2014)
AND
Brave (2012)
Now I put both of these movies in the same spot because both of them won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature in their respective years and, in my opinion, there were much better Animated movies in those years that were far more deserving of that title.
Big Hero 6 was a movie that I was pretty hyped for when I found out it was going to come out as it was the first animated Disney movie to be based off of a Marvel property. I was also interested in the concept of San Fransokyo and a lot of the designs having more of an Eastern feel to them.
But, somewhere along the line, I just lost interest in it to the point where, when I finally did get around to watching it, it was just... O.K. Nothing terrible, but nothing that I felt made it stand out from any other superhero movie I'd seen. The character types are basically recycled, the story I didn't find particularly interesting... for the most part, and it seemed to have more in common with superhero movies from a decade or so ago than ones from today.
Not all of it is bad though. The moments that focus on Hiro and Baymax's relationship as the latter tries to help the former deal with the loss of his older brother are cute and where I believe the focus truly belongs. But when it tries to be a superhero movie, it just comes off as basic, standard, and predictable. I literally called every moment that happened in this movie.
The one thing that really pisses me off though is, when Oscar season was coming around, there were some great animated movies to be nominated for Best Animated Feature like How To Train Your Dragon 2, The Boxtrolls, and Song Of The Sea (which me and my friend Meredith were cheering for as we both LOVE Cartoon Saloon's work which you guys should totally check out if you haven't already). But on the weekend of the Oscars, Meredith shared an article where one of the panelists on the Oscar Board of Directors was interviewed about his selections for the different categories and, just like Meredith, I. Was. LIVID!!!
This guy basically said that he voted for Big Hero 6 because his kid liked it. He also went on to say that he thought that The Lego Movie should've been nominated instead of these "2 fucking Chinese movies (Song Of The Sea and The Tale Of The Princess Kaguya) that no one gave a shit about or even bothered to see."
O.K. Time out here. First off, Song Of The Sea is from Ireland and The Tale Of The Princess Kaguya is from Japan (Studio Ghibli no less). Get a fucking education before saying something stupid like this. Second, voting for a movie because your kid likes it doesn't make your opinion come off as being in any way intelligent or refined, not to mention it's not even your opinion here, it's your kid's. Third, few people saw them because they only had limited releases in certain places. I certainly know that I would've seen them had they been playing in a nearby theater. And finally, to paraphrase what Meredith said, it should be a law that anyone on the board who has the power to vote for or against these movies has to have actually seen them first. I shit you not, in that same article, this guy said that he only voted for a certain foreign film because he liked the poster. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!
So it goes without saying that the 2 of us were pretty pissed when it won (and Meredith even went off on a Twitter rant shortly afterwards) because there were much better, more deserving movies than this.
Like Big Hero 6, Brave was a movie that I was pretty excited for as it was set in Medieval Scotland with a strong lean toward Fantasy (a first for Pixar). I was sure that this was going to be something within the same realm as The Legend Of Zelda. When I got around to seeing it, though, I was pretty disappointed. It was just another movie with a princess character who doesn't want to be a princess, butts heads with her mother regarding social norms, and then causes a mistake that she has to fix.
Like I said before with Hercules borrowing from whatever was popular, this movie seems to just borrow from previous Disney Princesses like Jasmine, Belle, and Pocahontas while also having the mother get turned into a bear. Wha- WAIT A FUCK!!! You're seriously borrowing the "character getting turned into a bear" story arc from Brother Bear?!? That movie wasn't even remotely popular!!! Are you guys really that desperate?!?
I give Pixar credit for the fact that it was trying to focus more on a mother/daughter relationship when those types aren't seen that much in kid's movies and the animation is great as usual (particularly the Medieval landscape), but I have a real problem with the personality of Merida. The problem being that she acts too much like a modern teenager with her whole attitude towards the norms of society. Why is this a problem? Because it doesn't match up with the Medieval, old timey, Scottish setting that it takes place in.
Now it's true that in one of my favorite Disney movies of all-time, The Little Mermaid, the main character of Ariel could be seen as somewhat similar in attitude when the story is set around the early 1800s, but I give that movie a pass because... you've got a Rastafarian crab singing Calypso so I don't think keeping to the norms of that time was their biggest concern.
Though to be fair, the last third of the movie is particularly good as it has both the mother and the daughter learning something from the other. Merida, a character who's more prone to taking action through her wild nature, ends up having to use diplomacy to keep peace between the different clans and the queen, who's more prone to using diplomacy, ends up having to channel her wild nature when protecting her daughter from an ancient evil being. This goes to show that both diplomacy and... "wildness" have their own place.
Brave came out in 2012 which was a gold mine for great animated movies. Yeah we had shit like The Lorax remake and Ice Age 4 (with a 5th one on the way. UGGH!!!!), but some of my favorite animated movies came out that year also like Madagascar 3, Wreck-It Ralph (which I saw 3 times in its original theatrical run), ParaNorman, and even Hotel Transylvania wasn't that bad either. Brave just seemed to be a continuation of what I like to call the "Pixar Slump", a period of time stretching from 2011-2014 where Pixar just put out really mediocre movies unlike what they normally do. Thank God that Inside Out came out this past summer because Pixar really needed that movie to succeed critically instead of just financially and it definitely restored them to my good graces again.
I feel like I should probably warn you guys that these next several entries fall very strongly into that "hate" category I mentioned earlier and therefore there will be a good amount of ranting to follow. Proceed with caution.
V. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)
I've heard a lot of people point out Prisoner Of Azkaban as everyone's least favorite/least cared about movie in the Harry Potter Saga, but for me, my least favorite is Order of the Phoenix. Now there are plenty of reasons why I hate this movie, many of which can be linked back to one name: Dolores Umbridge.
I could punch this broad in the face I fucking hate her that much (and no I don't condone violence against women). The fact that this bitch gets away with all these illegal deeds just because she has a high position in the Ministry Of Magic sickens me.
So Harry starts off getting in trouble with the Ministry for underage use of magic in the Muggle world despite the fact that he was using it to protect himself and his cousin from attacking Dementors and the Ministry still doesn't believe him. Next, when Umbridge is appointed as the new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts, she doesn't teach any defense against the dark arts (you had one job AND YOU FUCKED IT UP). And I haven't even gotten to the illegal stuff she does yet.
First off, when she tries to get Harry to stop talking about Voldemort's return, as part of her own twisted agenda, she subjects him to torture via a cursed pen that magically carves whatever the person writes into the back of their hand. Second, she illegally uses Veritaserum (literal truth serum) to get one student to reveal where the other students are meeting to learn how to defend themselves from dark magic (which is what she SHOULD'VE BEEN TEACHING THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE). And finally (and I mean the real fucking candle on the cake here), she threatens to use the Cruciatus Curse (a torture curse) on Harry to get information out of him.
I'm sorry. Did I... miss something here? Wasn't the Cruciatus Curse just one fucking movie ago established as one of the 3 Unforgivable Curses that anyone who casts them would immediately be sent to Azkaban for life and this whore bag is threatening to use it on Harry? What the hell makes her think that she can get away with it all of a sudden?!? I mean... there's abuse of power and then there's... this.
There were a few things that I found kind of interesting like Harry's PTSD from his first encounter with Voldemort and even his fears that he's becoming more like him, but those are few and far between. If you honestly want more reasons why I hate this movie, go watch CinemaSins. I'm just soo tired from that rant, but we've still got 4 more movies to get through so on to the next one.
IV. Frankenweenie (2012)
Now I'm a huge Tim Burton fan, but even I don't love all of his work. With that said, even with movies I don't entirely like, I've been able to find at least one thing that I enjoyed from his movies (except for Dark Shadows I honestly can't think of anything I enjoyed from that). So before I go about bashing this movie, let me start off with what I genuinely liked about it.
What I really liked about this the most was how this movie was basically a love letter to all the classic monster movies with all its references to Horror iconography. Mr. Rzykruski's design is inspired by Vincent Price, Nassor's design is similar to Boris Karloff's portrayal of Frankenstein's monster, and Edgar's appearance brings to mind Igor and that's just with the human characters.
The animals draw heavy inspiration from The Bride of Frankenstein to Boris Karloff's Mummy to the Wolf Man to Dracula to Japanese monster, Gamera, and even the Gremlins get a shout out here. There's even an homage to stop-motion classic, Santa Claus is Comin to Town, with the character of Mayor Bergermeister, who shares both the name and even somewhat of the appearance of the villain from the aforementioned Christmas special, Burgermeister Meisterburger.
So y'all have heard me sing this movie's praises plenty enough. What could I possibly find to hate about it? Well... none of the characters are that memorable to me. I mean sure, a lot of them look like famous horror icons, but I don't even remember their personalities and therefore I can't remember a single thing about them or relate to them. But the biggest problem I have with it is the godawful ending.
Now I already mentioned before that there was going to be talk about the movie plots in this list, but, just for the hell of it, SPOILER ALERT!!!! You guys all set with that? You are? Alright then. Let's continue.
So Victor's parents end up discovering that Victor resurrected Sparky and his dad tells him something that I thought was very important: meddling around with life and death (basically trying to play God) can be a very deadly path to walk and that, when a loved one dies, we need to accept it as part of the natural way of being and move on from that. That's a pretty strong message right there.
Then in the big climax, Sparky rescues Victor from a burning windmill, but is unable to escape himself before the building crashes down on top of him, killing him in the process. When his body was recovered from the wreckage, I was curious if they were going to stick to their guns and keep him dead or if they were going to puss out and bring him back.
Victor's dad asks him if he plans on reviving Sparky to which Victor says that he's going to choose to listen to what his dad had said earlier, coming to terms with the loss of his pet in the process. I was just like "Good for you, movie. Nice message to send out to anyone who might be suffering through the loss of someone close to them." What does Victor's dad say though? "Sometimes adults don't know what they're talking about." And what happens? They resurrect him anyways. If I may paraphrase something from a Nostalgia Critic review, my thoughts about that were something like this, "Oh that's great, dad. That's great. You basically threw the moral right out the window. Wonderful. (incoherent happy noises) WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING!?!"
I'm sorry, but that ending just pisses me off as I feel like it gave a big fat middle finger to anyone who might be dealing with a loss by being completely unrealistic with its handling of the subject and I just can't let it slide. I don't even think that was Burton's original vision for it to end like that. I mean, this guy has killed off protagonist characters in kid and adult movies alike. The one that comes to mind currently is Corpse Bride when Emily, at the end, has finally been set free and dissipates (much like Master Oogway in Kung Fu Panda now that I think about it). This is clearly a studio decision because they didn't have the balls to leave the character dead.
I know a lot of people like this movie and there are some good things about it, but that puss out ending is too painfully obvious for me to ignore. I'd much rather watch that year's Hotel Transylvania or ParaNorman if I want a good monster movie. At least with those movies I don't feel like my intelligence is being insulted.
III. Iron Man 3 (2013)
I know a lot of people quickly point to Thor: The Dark World as being the weakest entry in Marvel's Phase Two lineup, but, in my opinion, that dishonor goes to Iron Man 3. Why? Because I feel like you could've completely taken it out of the MCU and hardly anything would change.
Now I had followed the first 2 Iron Man movies pretty closely so, when they mentioned this terrorist group in the first movie known as The Ten Rings, I knew that at some point they were going to introduce The Mandarin and I was hyped to see it happen. At first, I was pretty skeptical of Sir Ben Kingsley playing the role of The Mandarin as I thought it would be better suited for someone like Ken Watanabe, but after seeing him in costume with the hair even styled after The Mandarin from the comics, I thought to myself "Hey. Maybe he can actually pull it off."
But then what happened? You've got one of the worst plot twists in cinema history since the one in Breaking Dawn Part 2 where he's really just a British actor by the name of Trevor Slattery who merely acted the part, turning The Mandarin into a fucking joke in the process! The "real" Mandarin is some guy named Aldrich Killian (who doesn't in ANY WAY RESEMBLE THE MANDARIN FROM THE COMICS) and as if THAT wasn't enough, Killian's backstory is basically "copy and paste" ripped off from The Incredibles! Hell, they practically even have the same length of time between the flashback and present day of about 15 years!
WOW! That is a lot for you to just expect me to buy! Aside from that I just find it to be an unnecessary movie because I just don't see any way that it connects to any of the others in the MCU. I mean sure you've got Tony Stark suffering from PTSD after the Chitauri invasion in The Avengers, but... that's about it. Even the post-credits scene, where they typically try to set up hype for a future Marvel movie, is just Tony waking up Bruce Banner who fell asleep while he was telling him about all the events we just saw already. I'm sorry, but that just seemed really weak to me compared to what we've gotten in the past and are continuing to get now. To me, it's like the Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Dark Knight Rises, X-Men: The Last Stand, or Spider-Man 3 of the Iron Man trilogy (fitting because all these movies were the 2nd sequels of their respective franchises).
II. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)
Again, going right back to what I said about Iron Man 3, this just seemed like an unnecessary movie as it's never brought up in any of the other movies in the franchise. This movie was released about 3 years after Raiders Of The Lost Ark, but, instead of a sequel, this was a prequel (the second one to make this list I might add).
One of the things that I always loved about the Indiana Jones movies was how kick-ass Awesome the women were. From Marion Ravenwood in Raiders Of The Lost Ark to Elsa Schneider in The Last Crusade to even Irina Spalko in Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, they were always a ton of fun to watch. But then you've got this movie where the leading lady you're stuck with throughout the film's majority is Willie Scott, or as the Nostalgia Critic referred to her as, "that pain in the ass who never shut the fuck up".
She's in no way funny, doesn't contribute anything to the group, and constantly has to be saved, all while she's constantly screaming at every little thing that bothers her. Many people point to Short Round as being really annoying, but I'm not nearly as harsh towards him because HE ACTUALLY DOES STUFF TO CONTRIBUTE!!! Some examples are that he can actually drive a car, he breaks out of his bonds after being captured, and at one point even has to come to Willie's rescue.
That's gotta be really pathetic, lady, when you have to be rescued by a 9 year-old Chinese boy who hardly understands English! Fluttershy from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is telling you to grow a pair for God's sake! FLUTTERSHY!!! I'm tempted to use the phrase "sexy lamp" to describe Willie (a phrase created by Lindsey Ellis AKA The Nostalgia Chick to describe a hot female character in a movie who you could just replace with a lamp and nothing would change), but, in all honesty, I never found Willie that hot. I certainly don't see whatever the hell Indy saw in her that he would take her along with him and constantly save her every time.
Many people point to Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull as being terrible because of how unrealistic some of the scenes are, particularly the scene where Indy hides in a lead lined fridge to survive a nuclear blast, and to those people I pose this question: So... you mean to tell me... that surviving a nuclear blast by hiding in a fridge is going too far... BUT... jumping out of a plane on an inflatable raft, landing on/sledding down a snowy slope on said raft, AND flying off the edge of a cliff until you and the raft land in the river below all without sustaining any injuries is completely 100% believable and plausible?!? If your answer is "Yes" to this, I want whatever the hell you're puffing.
Aside from all that, the film's second half is extremely dark and not that pleasant to watch. Don't get me wrong. I love dark elements in movies like Pinocchio, The Secret Of NIMH, and The Hunchback Of Notre Dame and the other Indiana Jones movies had dark moments too, but the difference between them and Temple of Doom is that they had a sense of fun and lightheartedness to them while this just shows kids constantly being tortured and begging for death. Sounds like a fucking blast to me!!!
Though to this movie's very little credit, it was somewhat more of a risk taker than some of the other Indiana Jones movies and it could definitely be said that late Bollywood actor, Amrish Puri, is very memorable as the villainous Thuggee priest, Mola Ram. I even heard somewhere that this was one of the movies responsible for the creation of the PG-13 rating. Still, this is going to be one of those movies that I just avoid like the plague.
WARNING!!!!!!!! The following entry you're about to see might cause extreme anger for its inclusion on this list especially at soo high a spot. What follows this entry will be a no holds barred uncensored bashing of this movie. Side effects of viewing this entry and its bashing might include increased stress, fits of rage, extreme verbal lashing, and labeling me as the demon spawn of Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, AND Kim Jong Il (just to name a few). If you do not wish for any of these things to befall you, I suggest that you leave this list right now and find something else to do. For those of you who've chosen to stick around, you've been warned. So with all that out of the way, the #1 movie that I hate but everyone else seems to love is...
I. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)
Well well well. Going from a Willie who annoyed the fuck out of me to another Willy who just made me feel uncomfortable most of the time. To a lot of people, saying anything bad about this movie would be the equivalent of killing a sacred cow, but I just despise this movie soo much it's hard for me to put into words.
Now, when I was younger, I really enjoyed the book Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. I loved how the Willy Wonka from the book was both charming and whimsical yet also eccentric and mischievous, the illustrations of the Oompa Loompas looked adorable as these little pygmy characters, and Charlie himself was representative of the type of character that most people wanted to be like: selfless and kind.
When I saw this movie, I hated how much it strayed away from the original book (and still do). The Wonka here seems to be much more focused on the charming, whimsical side to the point where there were moments I felt really uncomfortable around him. The way that he said the line "Two naughty, nasty little children gone. Three good, sweet little children left", (shudders) I don't know, it just sounded super pedo to me and I felt unsettled even as a kid watching this.
The one time that I think Wonka even got eccentric in the movie was with the infamous tunnel scene. Speaking of which, WHAT THE FLYING HELL WAS THAT SCENE EVEN DOING IN THE MOVIE!?! It was never in the original book and it just shows a whole bunch of really disturbing shit like decapitating chickens and bugs crawling all over people's faces.
The Oompa Loompas in this movie were hideous looking to the point where I actually had nightmares because of them. The book never said anything about them having bad spray tans, snot green hair, or even bleached white eyebrows so what the hell influenced that design choice? Oh and don't even get me started on their song.
Yeah. I said "song". They sing four times throughout the movie, but it's all just the same damn song that they tweak some of the lyrics to and change up the music to try to pass it off as something different each time. Rinse and repeat. And that song to me is just ear rape. Listening to that song just makes me want to kill myself so I don't have to listen to it anymore.
As for the other songs, I hardly even remember any of them. I couldn't sing a line from any of them to save my life. Also the kid who played Charlie in this movie seemed too much like a pessimist and a whiner throughout the beginning when the Golden Ticket promo was going on and he was even kind of greedy sometimes. The Charlie from the book I remembered as always trying to look at the positive side of things and was supposed to represent the shining example of what we as humans wanted to strive towards being.
As I said before, this movie strays soo far from its source material in many areas and I understand that some changes had to be made. For example, changing the squirrel nut sorting scene to instead have giant geese that lay golden chocolate eggs is understandable because they didn't have the technology to do squirrels much less have them attack Veruca. But everything else just annoyed me to no end and I'm not the only person who hated this movie.
Original "Charlie" author, Roald Dahl, was originally a scriptwriter for this movie, but was kicked out of the project when he failed to meet deadlines, therefore having no creative control over the final product. He didn't even want Gene Wilder to portray Wonka in this (more on Wilder in a later post). When the movie finally came out, Dahl hated it soo much that he forbid them from making a sequel based off of Charlie And The Great Glass Elevator (which I admittedly have never read as I didn't even know it existed) and, ever since then, Dahl's estate has been very strict and stingy with any and all film adaptations of his work.
What really pisses me off the most about this movie is how many people hold this film up as a flawless masterpiece even with all the divergences from the original book. To give an example, Stanley Kubrick directed the movie The Shining based off of the popular Stephen King novel and a lot of people hail it as one of the cinematic greats (you could even say that it was directed by one of the cinematic greats), but Stephen King himself didn't approve of the movie (just like how Dahl didn't approve of Willy Wonka). However, even with people still praising The Shining movie as a classic, I've heard plenty of people point out that the movie itself isn't the most faithful to the book it's based on.
With all that said, why the hell does something like Willy Wonka just get off scot free with straying from the author's original vision? Why the flying fuck does it just get a free pass here? Personally, I don't think it should, but I've ranted long enough so I'll just save the rest for another post.
So those were the Top 12 Movies I Dislike/Hate, But Everyone Else Loves and I'd like to know, what's a movie that you can't stand but everyone else seems to love? Anyways, stay tuned for next month when I'll be releasing my Top 12 Movies I Like, But Everyone Else Hates list and you'll be able to get your revenge on me. Take care.
Monday, September 7, 2015
Job Interview and my next countdown
So just last week I applied at Abercrombie & Fitch at my local mall and got called back for an interview tomorrow for 4 PM. Here's hoping that this actually turns into a job for me as I'm really starting to get discouraged after about 9 months of applying to places with nothing ever coming from them.
In my freetime, though, I've been busy going over the details of my next countdown which'll be posted 2 days from now. I'm pretty sure that I've made all the proper edits that I could possibly do and I feel like it's as ready as it'll ever be so look forward to that coming this Wednesday.
In other news, I've pre-ordered Dark Tide off of Amazon and it should be arriving the day it's released. The hard part now is just waiting for it. Finally, my grandma is coming to visit us 2 weeks from this Saturday and she's gonna be staying with us through Christmas so that's exciting. I also managed to capture her interest with the books of The WaterFire Saga that I currently have and she's eager to read them when she comes out here.
Aside from that, nothing else to report on except that the second half of Season 5 of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic starts up this Saturday and the next Equestria Girls movie comes out on the day my grandma flies in, but I doubt many of you would care about that. So until the next countdown in 2 days, I hope y'all have a great Labor Day and I'll see you on the next post. Take care.
In my freetime, though, I've been busy going over the details of my next countdown which'll be posted 2 days from now. I'm pretty sure that I've made all the proper edits that I could possibly do and I feel like it's as ready as it'll ever be so look forward to that coming this Wednesday.
In other news, I've pre-ordered Dark Tide off of Amazon and it should be arriving the day it's released. The hard part now is just waiting for it. Finally, my grandma is coming to visit us 2 weeks from this Saturday and she's gonna be staying with us through Christmas so that's exciting. I also managed to capture her interest with the books of The WaterFire Saga that I currently have and she's eager to read them when she comes out here.
Aside from that, nothing else to report on except that the second half of Season 5 of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic starts up this Saturday and the next Equestria Girls movie comes out on the day my grandma flies in, but I doubt many of you would care about that. So until the next countdown in 2 days, I hope y'all have a great Labor Day and I'll see you on the next post. Take care.
Monday, August 24, 2015
"What A Twist" and impatiently waiting
As I mentioned in a previous post, I had recently gotten into a series of books known as The WaterFire Saga. Well just this morning I finished the second book, Rogue Wave, and damn did it end on a major plot twist/cliffhanger. The twist itself is actually a play off of the "Tom Marvolo Riddle/I Am Lord Voldemort" twist from the Harry Potter series, but since that twist had been ruined for me, I was genuinely shocked by the use of it in this book.
I currently have a ton of questions swirling around inside my head, mostly because the huge character reveal is someone who was thought to be dead centuries if not millennia ago. Unfortunately, the next book in the series, Dark Tide, doesn't come out until about a month and a half from now, so until then, I'm stuck waiting impatiently for it to be published.
In the meantime, I'm just going over the final details of my next Top 12 Countdown lists. These are actually 2 lists that go together pretty well. I'm not going to say what they are, but a little hint that I'll drop is that both are lists that Doug Walker has done in the past so anyone familiar with his work will probably figure it out pretty quickly. The first list is set to be posted within the next 2 weeks and it will be on a Wednesday as I've stated that that will be the official day that I release my lists. Until then, I hope you guys have a great rest of the month and I'll see you on the next post. Take care.
I currently have a ton of questions swirling around inside my head, mostly because the huge character reveal is someone who was thought to be dead centuries if not millennia ago. Unfortunately, the next book in the series, Dark Tide, doesn't come out until about a month and a half from now, so until then, I'm stuck waiting impatiently for it to be published.
In the meantime, I'm just going over the final details of my next Top 12 Countdown lists. These are actually 2 lists that go together pretty well. I'm not going to say what they are, but a little hint that I'll drop is that both are lists that Doug Walker has done in the past so anyone familiar with his work will probably figure it out pretty quickly. The first list is set to be posted within the next 2 weeks and it will be on a Wednesday as I've stated that that will be the official day that I release my lists. Until then, I hope you guys have a great rest of the month and I'll see you on the next post. Take care.
Friday, August 7, 2015
Deep Blue: My new favorite book.
Just yesterday, I was at the mall after my therapist had to cancel his meeting with me to take his wife to the hospital. I was mostly just perusing stores, partially to see what they had and partially to find something to get for my little brother, who turns 4 in less than a month's time. I finally managed to find a 5 pack of Hot Wheels cars for him at Target, but I also came across something I wasn't expecting.
As I was talking on my cell with my uncle, I was aimlessly wandering the aisles when I found myself in the YA book section, which was where I saw a book called Deep Blue. The first thing to capture my attention was a picture of a Mermaid on the cover. Now I've had a pretty strong Mermaid fetish ever since I was younger (hell, Ariel was my first love when I was about 4 or 5) so I picked it up to read the description of it.
One purchase, one day, and 12 chapters later, this book is officially my new favorite. The way that it does world building with its mythology based off of the lost continent of Atlantis, different types of Merpeople (some with the traditional fish tail, some with crab legs, some with sea horse tails, and some with octopus tentacles. Some Merfolk even have bioluminescence), and even the language that's used I found very clever and I just love this book.
After further research, I soon learned that its the first book of a tetralogy (like a trilogy, but going "one step beyond") called The WaterFire Saga with the first 2 books already released, the 3rd scheduled for release 2 months from now, and the final book being released approximately around summer of next year. This is a series that, just from the first several chapters, I'd like to see adapted into a movie. I just really want to see this happen as I feel we need more Mermaids in popular media, but that's just me.
In the meantime, I'm hard at work putting together my next 2 Top 12 Countdown lists as they are closely related in topic. The first one will come out sometime next month while the other will follow the month after. Until then, I hope you guys are having a great time and I'll see you on the next post. Take care.
As I was talking on my cell with my uncle, I was aimlessly wandering the aisles when I found myself in the YA book section, which was where I saw a book called Deep Blue. The first thing to capture my attention was a picture of a Mermaid on the cover. Now I've had a pretty strong Mermaid fetish ever since I was younger (hell, Ariel was my first love when I was about 4 or 5) so I picked it up to read the description of it.
One purchase, one day, and 12 chapters later, this book is officially my new favorite. The way that it does world building with its mythology based off of the lost continent of Atlantis, different types of Merpeople (some with the traditional fish tail, some with crab legs, some with sea horse tails, and some with octopus tentacles. Some Merfolk even have bioluminescence), and even the language that's used I found very clever and I just love this book.
After further research, I soon learned that its the first book of a tetralogy (like a trilogy, but going "one step beyond") called The WaterFire Saga with the first 2 books already released, the 3rd scheduled for release 2 months from now, and the final book being released approximately around summer of next year. This is a series that, just from the first several chapters, I'd like to see adapted into a movie. I just really want to see this happen as I feel we need more Mermaids in popular media, but that's just me.
In the meantime, I'm hard at work putting together my next 2 Top 12 Countdown lists as they are closely related in topic. The first one will come out sometime next month while the other will follow the month after. Until then, I hope you guys are having a great time and I'll see you on the next post. Take care.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
The job hunt continues and Fiverr
As of this past week I've been busy with trying to apply at many different jobs all over from McDonald's to D'Angelo to Geissler's to Hot Topic. Just this afternoon, me and a friend even went to a job fair at Lego in Enfield, CT. Hopefully these will actually turn up an actual job. My mom told me about schools in Southwick that are hiring janitors at $19/hour. That could be a nice job to get. We'll see how that goes.
In the meantime, I recently came across a website called fiverr.com. Apparently, people on this website offer their services for $5 with add-ons costing extra. One guy that I came across is actually offering the service of playing guitar for a song. As a songwriter, I think that this could be particularly useful as I've been coming across several snags in my own attempts to learn guitar. I've been trying to learn guitar for this one particular song that I wrote a little over a year ago.
For a little backstory, I was at a convention in Detroit called The Midwest Media Expo from April 25th-27th 2014. It was the first convention that I had ever been to and it was the first time they'd ever had this convention. To make a long story short, there was a girl I met there by the name of Meredith, who was part of a group that were special guests at the Expo. The 2 of us had many positive interactions during that weekend and then I had to return home.
For the next month, I just could not stop thinking about her and so, for the first time in about 3 years, I wrote a song. This song was all about me meeting her for the first time and everything that followed afterwards. I haven't seen her since that day but we have talked since then, rarely though it is. I credit Meredith as being the person who got me out of this songwriting "dry spell" so that I could write lyrics again. My hopes were to learn guitar in order to create music for this song so that the next time I saw her I'd be able to serenade her with my song.
I've been trying to learn guitar for over a year and haven't gotten anywhere and I'm not even sure anymore about what I want the music to be like, so now I'm thinking that it'll probably be quicker and easier to just have another person create the music for me to then sing along to when next I see Meredith. Before I can do that though I need money, which my SSI hits tomorrow, but I need a solid job in order to get by. Hopefully things will work out.
So that's it for now. I do have 4 new ideas for Top 12 Countdowns so stay tuned for news on those and until then I hope y'all have a great weekend. Take care.
In the meantime, I recently came across a website called fiverr.com. Apparently, people on this website offer their services for $5 with add-ons costing extra. One guy that I came across is actually offering the service of playing guitar for a song. As a songwriter, I think that this could be particularly useful as I've been coming across several snags in my own attempts to learn guitar. I've been trying to learn guitar for this one particular song that I wrote a little over a year ago.
For a little backstory, I was at a convention in Detroit called The Midwest Media Expo from April 25th-27th 2014. It was the first convention that I had ever been to and it was the first time they'd ever had this convention. To make a long story short, there was a girl I met there by the name of Meredith, who was part of a group that were special guests at the Expo. The 2 of us had many positive interactions during that weekend and then I had to return home.
For the next month, I just could not stop thinking about her and so, for the first time in about 3 years, I wrote a song. This song was all about me meeting her for the first time and everything that followed afterwards. I haven't seen her since that day but we have talked since then, rarely though it is. I credit Meredith as being the person who got me out of this songwriting "dry spell" so that I could write lyrics again. My hopes were to learn guitar in order to create music for this song so that the next time I saw her I'd be able to serenade her with my song.
I've been trying to learn guitar for over a year and haven't gotten anywhere and I'm not even sure anymore about what I want the music to be like, so now I'm thinking that it'll probably be quicker and easier to just have another person create the music for me to then sing along to when next I see Meredith. Before I can do that though I need money, which my SSI hits tomorrow, but I need a solid job in order to get by. Hopefully things will work out.
So that's it for now. I do have 4 new ideas for Top 12 Countdowns so stay tuned for news on those and until then I hope y'all have a great weekend. Take care.
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
My Top 12 Villain Songs
I'm not gonna lie. I love villains. Whether they be calm and composed or over-the-top and insane, villains are always fun to watch. Another love of mine is musicals. This was mostly stemming from the Disney movies of the 80s and 90s which actually got me interested in taking theater classes when I was in my teens. So what do you get when you combine villains and musicals? Some of the most undeniably catchy songs you'll ever hear.
There's no denying that villain songs are always the high point of any musical, elevating the Awesomeness to unbelievable levels, and there have been many great villain songs to come out in the past few decades. So, today, I'm going to be counting down my Top 12 Favorite Villain Songs. For the list, I'm focusing specifically on songs from movies and TV specials sung either by or about the villain(s). Many of the songs featured I include based on their catchiness, popularity, my opinion, and/or how well they move the plot along, because, hey, that's what great villain songs are supposed to do.
It should be noted that I'm not limiting it to any one particular medium. The songs can be from Disney, not from Disney, animated, or even live action. And as I feel it's important to mention, these are based on my opinions and what I've seen so if you don't see one of your favorites here or if you think one of your favorites should've been higher up, then I'm sorry. Also, I apologize ahead of time for the quality of a few of the accompanying videos that feature the songs. Finally, there is potentially going to be some talk about the movie plots themselves so SPOILER ALERT if you haven't seen any of these movies. With that said, sit back and enjoy my Top 12 Favorite Villain Songs.
XII. You Gotta Love It from The Swan Princess: Escape From Castle Mountain
I know I'm probably not starting my list off on the best foot here and it's hard to say that anything that good came from any of these movies (which I only ever saw the first 2 of them). However, even with that said, this is a fun little gem that I feel deserves even more attention.
The evil wizard Clavius, who was once a partner of the villain from the previous movie named Rothbart (it sounds like the noise you'd make if you hiccuped and belched at the same time. Thank you, Nostalgia Critic, for ingraining that in my mind.), sets out to find a mystical orb that houses "The Forbidden Arts". After finding the orb and taking advantage of its power, he sings this song while displaying his new abilities.
To be completely honest, I had almost completely forgotten about this song. It was still in the farther recesses of my mind, but my memories of it were very vague. Then I saw WatchMojo.com's YouTube video of the Top 10 Animated Villain Songs (Excluding Disney), which is a terrible list by the way. Only 7 songs I think were actually deserving of being on the list, #8, #7, and #6 were just shit, I mean just totally bland and forgettable, and the "Honorable Mentions" list was a joke. P.S. Only 2 songs from that list make this list while 2 others make my Honorable Mentions category, but I digress.
What actually got me to include this song on the list was the fact that a YouTuber by the name of Sasuke Uchiha brought up this song, saying that it was far superior to WatchMojo's #7 choice, No More Mr. Nice Guy from the first Swan Princess movie. I got around to listening to it and much to my surprise... he was right. This song completely nukes that one out of the water. It just has a much cooler feel to it and is just tons of fun to listen to. So yeah. This is definitely one of my more selfish selections, but I find it well worth a listen.
XI. You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch from Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas
Now I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you guys. I never saw How The Grinch Stole Christmas until I was a teenager and even then it wasn't the first time that I had heard this song. I had actually heard it on the radio around Christmastime a few years prior to actually watching the special. Still, this is definitely a song not to be ignored.
Sung by Tony The Tiger himself, Thurl Ravenscroft, the song tells about all the ways the Grinch is a horrible being as he, you guessed it, "steals Christmas" from the jolly and cheerful Whos who live in the village below his lair atop Mt. Crumpit.
This song is just tons of fun to listen to. The lyrics by Dr. Seuss are deviously delicious and descriptive as they refer to the Grinch as being "cuddly as a cactus" or having the warmth and fuzziness of "a seasick crocodile" or (my personal favorite) even referring to him as a "3 decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce". How can you not just fall in love with this song and how extremely detailed it is? I've often spent many times just analyzing the lyrics, it's that enjoyable. It also goes without saying that the Grinch served as the introduction to villainy for many young kids and rightfully so. The perfect villainous song for the holidays, that's more than enough for me.
X. Secret Of Survival from The Wind In The Willows (AKA Mr. Toad's Wild Ride)
Now I've never even seen the movie that this came from because, in all honesty, it never looked that interesting to me and, from what I've heard other people say about it, I'm not really missing out on much. But, with all that said, when I first heard this song, it instantly became a favorite of mine. Apparently after Mole gets lost in the Wild Wood, he accidentally runs into the Weasels, who break out into this song to explain that all creatures are only looking out for themselves. "Survival of the fittest" if you will.
This song has such a great sound to it with the music sounding very similar to a racing heartbeat (in fact you could probably argue that it's Mole's heart that's racing during this tense scene). The background is very dark and dreary fitting the song's theme and imagery, creating a very surreal atmosphere in the process. But, at the same time, the movements and actions of some of the Weasels are soo laughably and enjoyably cartoony that it almost leaves you unsure of what to think about it, which I find interesting when certain forms of media can leave you with a mixture of different emotions.
The only downside that I can think of is that it's a very short song. Where most villain songs are at least 3 minutes long, this is closer to 1 1/2. But even then the song is too good to let go unnoticed. If you want to check this song out by itself, feel free to and listen to how great it truly is.
IX. Let's Have A Battle (Of The Bands) from My Little Pony: Equestria Girls - Rainbow Rocks
This song is barely even a year old and yet I feel like it belongs right up there with some of the greatest villain songs of all-time. After the events of the first movie, a new threat to Canterlot High arises in the form of The Dazzlings, a trio of Sirens exiled from Equestria to the human world millennia ago, who use their voices to sow dissent among others and feed off of their negative energy. This proves troublesome for our heroes when the Dazzlings suggest that the school's upcoming musical showcase should instead be turned into a competitive Battle Of The Bands as part of their plight to gain enough power to control everyone else as their slaves.
Now I've been a Brony for about a year and a half now and, as such, I've gotten very familiar with the songs featured in the show and movies. I've even gained a new favorite lyricist in Daniel Ingram, who I have yet to find a song that I hate from him (not that all of his songs are perfect, but even the "not as good" songs are still pretty decent, all things considered). If I was including the My Little Pony TV Show, I'd probably put This Day Aria from the 2-part, Season 2 Finale, A Canterlot Wedding, on the list as that one is also pretty damn Awesome to listen to. I often think to myself that the song is like one I might envision in The Little Mermaid during the scene where Prince Eric is about to marry Ursula in disguise and Ariel is trying to make her way to the ship to crash the wedding, but more on that movie later.
The Dazzlings themselves are a lot of fun to watch. I've heard many people point out similarities between them and the Sanderson Sisters from Hocus Pocus. I've never seen the movie, nor do I intend to as I've heard the movie itself is particularly mean-spirited and nasty towards virgins, so I'll just have to take their word for it. They also have 2 other songs that they sing throughout the movie, but I decided to put this one on the list as it's the song that actually sets the plot into motion. But that doesn't mean that the other songs they sing aren't as good. I still find myself singing many songs from the movie's soundtrack even to this day after first seeing it a little over 1/2 a year ago. If this song had come out earlier or if WatchMojo.com had put out their Non-Disney Animated Villain Songs list later on, I feel like this could've been a great entry on the list (although it still doesn't change the fact that there aren't enough good Non-Disney Animated Villain Songs to justify a Top 10 list, much less have an Honorable Mentions category). The perfect villain song for a triple threat of evil. What more can you ask for?
VIII. Gaston from Beauty And The Beast
Gaston is definitely one of the more interesting Disney villains in my opinion (and I'm sure in a lot of other people's opinions too) as he was one of the frontrunners for the "Handsome Villain" character type. He's definitely good looking and in many cases would be the guy who saves the day and gets the girl in the end. In fact, in the townspeople's eyes, he is the hero, which is where this song comes into play.
Feeling bummed out after Belle refused his marriage proposal and humiliated him in the process, he sits in the local pub wallowing in his own self-pity. In an attempt to cheer him up, Lefou leads the other patrons in a song praising Gaston, pointing out his many attributes from the impressive (his marksmanship and physique) to the mundane (the cleft in his chin).
The setting of the song itself is just soo warm and inviting in contrast to the cold blizzard winds howling outside. You want to be in that pub, having a nice tall beer with the sudsy foam crowning the mug, swinging from the chandeliers, and just joining in the merriment of the patrons.
What really strikes my attention though is how swiftly the song changes to a Dark Reprise of itself, a trope that I very much enjoy when it comes to musicals. After Maurice enters the pub to request help in rescuing Belle from the Beast, and is swiftly thrown out when no one believes him, Gaston continues the song. The music and tone feel the same, but the lyrics themselves are much more sinister as he concocts a plan to blackmail Belle into marrying him or else Maurice gets sent to the insane asylum.
He doesn't even try to hide his villainy in this reprise as he sings of his plotting to have poor harmless Maurice committed, but you almost wouldn't notice it as all the other pub attendees join in with him, still viewing him as the hero. That shows a lot of power for a villain song. Having the whole town on your side even with your evil scheming, this song takes the #8 spot.
VII. The World's Greatest Criminal Mind from The Great Mouse Detective
I could give you a lot of reasons why this song deserves to be on the list, but 2 little words would immediately convince you of its inclusion. Those words are "Vincent Price". The late great horror icon lends his speaking and singing voice to the villain, Professor Ratigan, in this criminally underrated Disney classic.
Here, the evil professor sings about his past successes as he prepares for his most diabolical scheme yet: to oust the Queen of the Mice and take her place as "Supreme Ruler of all Mousedom". This was one of the songs that made the "merry band of singing criminals" style of song popular as it would later on be used in such movies as Shrek, Tangled, and Ice Age: Continental Drift. Yes, I know that the 1950's Peter Pan was technically the first to actually do it, but I honestly feel like The Great Mouse Detective was the movie that did it a little bit better.
Vincent Price was beyond perfect for this song as he brilliantly captures the sinister, yet refined, personality of the character. The whole setting also has a very strong feeling of extravagance and opulence to it. It practically oozes of class and sophistication. There's even a moment where Ratigan stops in the middle of the song to perform a harp solo as he briefly reflects on his past failures at the paws of his sworn nemesis, Basil Of Baker Street. It's the perfect song for an underrated, but nonetheless still great, villain.
VI. A Little Priest from Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street
AND
Feed Me from Little Shop Of Horrors
I had a hard time trying to decide between which of these I wanted to put in this spot so I decided on both, which is actually kind of funny because, listening to both of these songs, I find them to be pretty damn similar. Both songs involve murder, both songs involve eating people, and both songs have the main characters setting their sights on getting back at the person who wronged them and/or someone close to them, not to mention both songs clock in at around the same length with runtimes of about 5 minutes.
So let's start with Sweeney Todd's number. After a failed attempt to murder the corrupt Judge Turpin (Alan Rickman) who wrongfully convicted Sweeney Todd (AKA Benjamin Barker) in order to steal his now poisoned wife, Todd (Johnny Depp) sings with Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter) about killing those that no one would miss and baking them into meat pies, all the while his mind is still focused on slitting the throat of the aforementioned judge. This was the song that actually inspired me to create this list and with good reason.
The lyrics in this song are a lot of fun even with its dark subject matter. All throughout the song, Mrs. Lovett and Todd compare the different types of people as to how they might taste in pies from priests to lawyers to Royal Marines to friars. The descriptions of what meat might come from them are soo diabolically entertaining. Another interesting point to bring up is Todd's commentary of how the high men devour the lower men to maintain their high and mighty positions, which he uses to justify baking them into pies to be devoured by others or how, through these lofty people being murdered and baked into pies to be served to the public, "those above will serve those down below".
While that song is great (as are many of the other songs on the soundtrack), not a lot of people mention Feed Me from Little Shop Of Horrors, which I actually only saw for the first time a couple months ago. After discovering that an unusual plant, dubbed Audrey II after the object of his affection, can talk and is demanding to be fed more blood than he can give, Seymour Krelborn (Rick Moranis) is confronted by Audrey II who suggests that he murder someone to feed to the blood hungry plant. Though initially mortified by the idea, he sets his sights on murdering sadistic dentist, Orin Scrivello (Steve Martin) after seeing how he verbally and physically abuses his girlfriend, Audrey, who Seymour has feelings for.
This song has such a fun, soulful, rock type of feel to it that I really enjoyed. This comes mostly from the music and the vocal talents of Four Tops lead vocalist, Levi Stubbs, as the voice of Audrey II. This song was soo fun that I actually rewound it just to hear it again I loved it that much. Hell, I was even impressed by Rick Moranis' vocal work in the song. Interesting bit of trivia: Moranis actually went to elementary school with legendary frontman of Rush, Geddy Lee (makes me wonder if some of Lee's musical talent rubbed off on him).
Even though Moranis has somewhat retired from acting to spend time with his children after the death of his one and only wife (an honorable choice you can't deny), I would be interested in seeing him possibly taking on another musical in the near future. But, until then (if it ever happens), we've still got these 2 great songs for the price of one.
V. In The Dark Of The Night from Anastasia
Growing up, Anastasia was one of my favorite movies to watch. Even my younger sister enjoyed watching it with me. It was one of those animated, non-Disney movies that actually felt like a Disney movie to me and one of legendary animator Don Bluth's final films.
Stuck in Limbo after an unsuccessful attempt to destroy the entire Romanov family who banished him for treason, the sorcerer, Rasputin, reunited with the unholy reliquary he sold his soul for to ensure their destruction, plots his revenge against Anastasia, the girl who escaped the Romanov's curse.
Though the character of Rasputin is voiced by Christopher Lloyd (famous for such roles as Doc Brown from the Back To The Future Trilogy and Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?), the singing voice is actually provided by legendary voice actor, Jim Cummings, whose voice matches up soo perfectly you'd probably never be able to tell the difference. The song itself has a very rock opera type of feel to it that's tons of fun, though I feel like having a bunch of cartoon bugs singing the chorus kind of ruins what would've been an otherwise dark and foreboding atmosphere. If they really wanted to keep that sinister feel, I think they should've gone with different characters portraying the background singers like demons, monsters, or skeletons.
But what am I doing bitching about this song? Maybe it wasn't their intentions for it to be too sinister and dark? It's still an impressive number all around and definitely deserving of the #5 spot.
IV. Poor Unfortunate Souls from The Little Mermaid
The Little Mermaid has always been a favorite movie of mine ever since I was younger and with good reason. Not only did it kickstart what would become known as the Disney Renaissance, not only did it have a strong female lead, not only did it have a memorable villain (a list for another day), but the songs were all amazing and became instant classics.
Desperate to be with Prince Eric, young Mermaid Princess Ariel seeks the help of sea witch Ursula, who tells her the only way for her to get her prince is to become human herself. What follows is a song used to make her evil deeds look like acts of generosity and genuine kindness.
This song works great on soo many levels. First off is the tone. It starts very slow and peaceful almost like something one might dance a waltz to, but, as the song continues, it eventually gets faster, louder, and more insane, making the decisions Ariel must choose even more frantic. It also works well in the same way that many other songs on this list do in that it shows off the villain's vocal range and power while furthering the plot of the story.
This song was created by the musical team of Alan Menken and the late great Howard Ashman, who first became famous for their work on Little Shop Of Horrors. The two of them would go on to be frequent collaborators with Disney for movies such as The Little Mermaid (which Ashman served as co-producer on), Beauty And The Beast, and some of the songs on Aladdin before Ashman died of AIDS-related complications on March 14, 1991 and Tim Rice took over songwriting.
Menken still collaborates with Disney frequently (his most recent work being on the 2010 film, Tangled), but I often wonder what might've been if Ashman had lived longer? What alternate timeline might've been created had his songwriting genius been around for an extended period of time? It certainly might've helped in areas where we had such cinematic stinkers as Pocahontas, Brother Bear, Home On The Range, and Chicken Little, but, even then, had he been around for a longer period of time, I might not have gotten some of my favorite Disney movies like The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, The Princess And The Frog, Tangled, Wreck-It Ralph, or, yes, even Frozen.
In the end, I think it's best to just take the good and ignore the bad, because what is good is really good. Howard, I lovingly put this song at #4 in your memory.
III. Be Prepared from The Lion King
When I was a kid watching The Lion King, Scar was one of those villains who just freaked the shit out of me and this song was a good example of why. After his hyenas' first attempt at killing Simba failed when Mufasa showed up, Scar sings about his plans to off both Mufasa and Simba, taking over Pride Rock as the new king.
Jeremy Irons provides the voice of Scar as well as most of the lines in the song, but, once again, Jim Cummings provides part of Scar's vocals for the song and no one would ever be able to tell that 2 different people were singing one character's lines. That's pretty damn impressive if you ask me.
The setting is also a lot of fun to watch as it goes from sickly green to grainy yellow to hellish red and even the ground itself shifts, rising in some areas and falling in others. And, oh yeah, let's take a second to discuss the "hyenas from the Third Reich". As a kid who knew nothing about Nazi Germany or even Hitler, I didn't make the connection when I saw these hyenas goosestepping in rows in front of Scar. It was still scary nonetheless, I just didn't make that connection at a young age. But now that I'm older and have a better understanding of it, I'm just like "Holy Shit!!! That's totally a Nazi reference in a Disney film!"
As a kid, I was the one who was always trying to sing this song while everyone else around me was singing Hakuna Matata (not that I didn't join in at times, but I was very reluctant to do so). This song has been a favorite of mine for a long time and I'm sure it will continue to be a favorite of mine far into the future.
II. Friends On The Other Side from The Princess And The Frog
I know a lot of you might consider it blasphemy or sacrilege to put this song above something like Be Prepared, but I'm sorry. I just love this song that much. People seem to have mixed feelings over whether or not The Princess And The Frog is even a good Disney movie at all (I personally like the female lead, Tiana, enjoy the return to hand drawn animation, find some of the supporting characters enjoyable (particularly Tiana's best friend, Charlotte. She is such a riot, I've pissed my pants with laughter from how hilarious she is.), and I even like a few of the songs), but one thing that absolutely no one can deny is how kick-ass Awesome Dr. Facilier (AKA "The Shadowman") is as the villain and his song is the perfect means of displaying that.
When slacker Prince Naveen arrives in Louisiana looking for a good time, he's soon greeted by Facilier who smooth talks him and his valet, Lawrence, into stepping into his voodoo emporium, promising to give them what they desire most with assistance from his "friends on the other side".
Dr. Facilier is voiced by Keith David, who it's nice to see is getting work again after voicing Goliath in Gargoyles over a decade earlier, and he does a damn impressive job singing the song too. Facilier's (and his shadow's) movements throughout the song are just soo enjoyably slick and cartoony that it's fun to watch. Cartoony animation is either hit or miss for me as I've seen some uses of cartoony animation that just annoyed me to death while also seeing some great uses of it (I still stand by Hotel Transylvania as properly using fast and cartoony animation to match the comedic tone while also not shying away from the softer more dramatic moments where a character's turmoil needs to be addressed), but I digress.
The visuals during the song are just soo beautiful to look at that I'm amazed by their use of color, particularly close to the end where it almost seems to turn into the best acid trip ever!!! Seriously though, each frame in that song could be hung up as a work of art. Even taking the song out of the equation, you could just watch the visuals without sound and still enjoy it.
Speaking of the song, it's written by Randy Newman, who I'm not particularly fond of. I don't hate him necessarily, but it often seems like many of his songs are just "rinse and repeat" versions of songs he's already done before and therefore are overall forgettable. For instance, I watched James And The Giant Peach for the first time about a year ago, which Newman wrote all the songs for, and... I can't remember a single song from that movie it's that forgettable.
Most of the songs in this movie are pretty forgettable too, but I do have 3 songs from it that I genuinely like: Almost There, which is pretty decent enough, Dig A Little Deeper, which is sort of a guilty pleasure of mine as I really like the Southern Gospel Revival feel of it, and this song, which is tons of fun to listen to and sing along.
One of the other aspects of this song that I really like is the clever use of wordplay and foreshadowing by the Shadowman himself when talking to Naveen. He makes it sound like he's gonna be making Naveen really wealthy, but we the audience know what really lies ahead when he mentions "green" or "being free to hop from place to place". The song is soo great that it even makes an appearance at the end in the form of a Dark Reprise when Facilier is dragged by shadowy figures to hell (Ya know, for kids). Even with it being a more recent song, I have the feeling it's going to be around for quite a while.
Before I belt out my #1 choice, I'd like to take a moment to look at some Honorable Mentions. I'm not sure if this is going to be a regular thing with me and my Top 12 lists, but for now I really like this subject and I think it deserves it.
Honorable Mentions:
Savages from Pocahontas
Yeah yeah. Pocahontas is nowhere near my favorite Disney movie and it really screws up American history with its portrayal of tension between the Jamestown settlers and the Native Americans (although, let's be honest, the tension between them wasn't entirely absent from the original history), but this song has some really dark and hate-filled language from both sides that I feel gives it a nice edge and bite. Additionally, as much as I don't like this movie, I've gotta admit that the use of color throughout can be very pretty to look at. Also worth mentioning is the 2nd half of this song where you've got the 3-way competing vocals between the settlers, the Native Americans, and Pocahontas herself. It has almost a full on Broadway feel to it, like Phantom Of The Opera or Wicked, as it reaches a tense, nail-biting climax.
Playing With The Big Boys from The Prince Of Egypt
A pretty decent song from an underrated movie from Dreamworks' earlier years. The vocals from Steve Martin and Martin Short can be hit or miss, but the clever wordplay and references to various gods in the Egyptian pantheon is well worth pointing out. Plus watching one cobra go all Hannibal Lecter on the other two has gotta be worth something. :-)
Mother Knows Best and its Reprise from Tangled
Not necessarily setting any evil schemes or plot into motion so I didn't include it in the final cut, but it still deserves to be talked about for its tone alone. The first version has an upbeat feeling to it almost like a song a hero would sing all while Mother Gothel demeans Rapunzel, listing all the reasons she wouldn't survive in the outside world by herself. The Dark Reprise of the song, though, is particularly sinister with its cold blue and misty background as she completely rips apart the one connection Rapunzel has made in the outside world, not to mention the fact that the connection is someone she's grown to have feelings for. Dayum that's cold!!!
Prince Ali (Reprise) from Aladdin
Another Dark Reprise (I told you guys I love this trope in musicals) has Jafar revealing Aladdin's facade before banishing him to the ends of the Earth. Johnathan Freeman's vocals (which almost remind me of Vincent Price in some respects) are Awesome, particularly when he ends the song with that bone chilling cackle that terrified me as a kid, but, unfortunately, it was under a minute and a half and was therefore way too short to make the list.
The Mob Song from Beauty And The Beast
This is a song that I actually put on the same level as Savages because, just like with A Little Priest and Feed Me, the 2 sound a lot alike. That "power" I said Gaston had earlier is on full display here as he feeds the fears of the villagers through mob psychology, all the while smiling and nodding with pleasure as the coup to kill the Beast takes place before him. Definitely has a dark and sinister feel to it, but I personally find Gaston to be much more fun to sing in the end. Had this been on the list, I probably would've put it tied with Savages for whatever spot it ended up in.
Big And Loud (particularly the Reprise) from Cats Don't Dance
Another Randy Newman song (he can do good songs every now and then, people) from a relatively unknown, yet still pretty decent, movie that I saw when I was younger. As is typical of Randy Newman, don't remember a single song from this movie except for this one (maybe Randy Newman should just stick to writing villain songs, I'm just sayin'). Very interesting hearing this song sung by a Shirley Temple style villain particularly when it gets to, you guessed it, the Dark Reprise where she reveals her true intentions.
And finally...
Many of you are probably going to persecute me for leaving this song off the list, but in the end it's my list. I didn't grow up with Ferngully like most others did and therefore didn't know about this song til I was in my late teens. The song itself can get preachy with its heavy hinting at the whole "humans are evil, nature is good" bullshit that plagues soo many movies like it (and I want to make it perfectly clear that I'm not anti-environment as I have enjoyed the original Lorax cartoon, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and WALL-E, which I feel are among the rare few that properly handle the topic of environmentalism and I've even heard that the Anime classic Princess Mononoke did a good job with its message too), but the Awesome vocals of Tim Curry are enough for it to at least be mentioned. And you know what, Nostalgia Critic didn't put it on his villain songs list either so I'm not entirely alone in my way of thinking here.
O.K. You guys have waited long enough and this is the moment you've all been waiting for. So without any further ado my #1 favorite Villain Song is...
I. Hellfire from The Hunchback Of Notre Dame
Yeah yeah. Many of you probably saw this coming relatively quickly and it almost seems cliched for me to put it at the top of the heap like soo many before me have done, but I can't help it. There's just soo much to love about this song. Now you've probably noticed that, in the accompanying video, I included the preceding song, Heaven's Light, but that's because both songs go together perfectly in the way that they have such opposing views of the same subject.
Quasimodo first starts off singing about observing lovers from a distance and how they have a certain positive aura that he can only describe as "Heaven's Light", something that he's thought himself to be unworthy of on account of his hideousness... at least until he met the gypsy girl, Esmeralda, who was the first person to not be afraid of his outward appearance. He then fantasizes about her possibly caring for him as he rings the cathedral bells, leading us into our villain song.
Judge Claude Frollo, a man who views himself as righteous and holy (something he takes great pride in), sings about how he's falling victim to his lustful feelings for the same gypsy girl, all the while denying any fault of his own. Once he finds out that Esmeralda has escaped from Notre Dame Cathedral, where she had previously claimed Sanctuary from Frollo, he sets it in his mind that he'll find her even if he has to burn down all of Paris, coming to the conclusion that if he can't have her then the flames of hell will.
I only ever saw this movie when I was in college and it's quickly become one of my favorite Disney movies of all-time. This was certainly one of the ballsiest movies to ever come out of Disney as the original source material is anything but kid friendly and this movie certainly doesn't shy away from some of those darker elements, tackling such taboo topics as religion, lust, prejudice, and murder. Hell, Frollo himself wants to commit genocide against all the gypsies.
One of my favorite parts of this song are the moments where the Dramatic Choir (one of my favorite cliches for any movie) sings in Latin, adding a very dark and haunting atmosphere to it. Something that a lot of people who've seen this movie plenty of times before could probably point out quickly is the fact that the Latin Choir mostly shows up during moments of intense drama normally caused by Frollo himself. It just always accompanies any scene where Frollo is involved which I thought was pretty clever.
Something I was quick to notice with both Heaven's Light and Hellfire is how much the songs and the singers themselves are complete polar opposites of each other. Quasimodo sings with absolute humility about his longing for innocent love that he once thought himself unworthy of receiving until Esmeralda came into his life and treated him with kindness in spite of his appearance. Frollo, on the other hand, sings, prideful on account of his supposed piousness, about his struggles with sinful lust towards the same girl.
The mysterious red cloaked figures during Frollo's moment of denial are particularly chilling. I don't even know for certain what they're supposed to represent and I doubt many kids would be able to figure out what they mean either, which I think was kind of the purpose of their inclusion: leaving them open to audience interpretation. Personally, I like to think of them as the spirits of the past saints, there to condemn Frollo for his lustful desires. As Frollo sings about not being at fault for his sins, these mysterious figures sing in Latin what translates out to "Through my fault" and "Through my most grievous fault." I personally think it works.
Another interesting aspect of it is how the song itself serves as a callback to the movie's opening number, The Bells Of Notre Dame. I've even noticed that they used some of the same Latin phrases in both songs. The 2 songs also play well off each other as, in "Bells", it's sung that Frollo saw corruption everywhere except inside himself, which fits perfectly with Hellfire as he continues to deny that these lustful feelings towards Esmeralda were due to his own fault. Finally, this song sets itself apart from other villain songs in the sense that it doesn't have the villain singing about how evil he/she is but instead focuses on the villain's internal struggle with lust brought on by his sexual desires.
This song deserves soo much praise as it was willing to take risks regarding something that's targeted towards kids and, in my opinion, those risks payed off big time which is why this is my #1 Favorite Villain Song of all-time.
And that was my Top 12 Favorite Villain Songs list. I hope you enjoyed it and I'd like to know what your opinions are on my choices. Did you agree with them? Did you disagree with them? Do you feel like I failed to mention another song or that some songs should've been ranked differently? I can already feel the hate that's going to pour in for me not putting Toxic Love on the list. Anyways, I'll be sure to put out more of these lists as I come up with more ideas for them. So until then, I hope that you guys have a great day and I'll see you on the next blog post. Take care.
There's no denying that villain songs are always the high point of any musical, elevating the Awesomeness to unbelievable levels, and there have been many great villain songs to come out in the past few decades. So, today, I'm going to be counting down my Top 12 Favorite Villain Songs. For the list, I'm focusing specifically on songs from movies and TV specials sung either by or about the villain(s). Many of the songs featured I include based on their catchiness, popularity, my opinion, and/or how well they move the plot along, because, hey, that's what great villain songs are supposed to do.
It should be noted that I'm not limiting it to any one particular medium. The songs can be from Disney, not from Disney, animated, or even live action. And as I feel it's important to mention, these are based on my opinions and what I've seen so if you don't see one of your favorites here or if you think one of your favorites should've been higher up, then I'm sorry. Also, I apologize ahead of time for the quality of a few of the accompanying videos that feature the songs. Finally, there is potentially going to be some talk about the movie plots themselves so SPOILER ALERT if you haven't seen any of these movies. With that said, sit back and enjoy my Top 12 Favorite Villain Songs.
XII. You Gotta Love It from The Swan Princess: Escape From Castle Mountain
I know I'm probably not starting my list off on the best foot here and it's hard to say that anything that good came from any of these movies (which I only ever saw the first 2 of them). However, even with that said, this is a fun little gem that I feel deserves even more attention.
The evil wizard Clavius, who was once a partner of the villain from the previous movie named Rothbart (it sounds like the noise you'd make if you hiccuped and belched at the same time. Thank you, Nostalgia Critic, for ingraining that in my mind.), sets out to find a mystical orb that houses "The Forbidden Arts". After finding the orb and taking advantage of its power, he sings this song while displaying his new abilities.
To be completely honest, I had almost completely forgotten about this song. It was still in the farther recesses of my mind, but my memories of it were very vague. Then I saw WatchMojo.com's YouTube video of the Top 10 Animated Villain Songs (Excluding Disney), which is a terrible list by the way. Only 7 songs I think were actually deserving of being on the list, #8, #7, and #6 were just shit, I mean just totally bland and forgettable, and the "Honorable Mentions" list was a joke. P.S. Only 2 songs from that list make this list while 2 others make my Honorable Mentions category, but I digress.
What actually got me to include this song on the list was the fact that a YouTuber by the name of Sasuke Uchiha brought up this song, saying that it was far superior to WatchMojo's #7 choice, No More Mr. Nice Guy from the first Swan Princess movie. I got around to listening to it and much to my surprise... he was right. This song completely nukes that one out of the water. It just has a much cooler feel to it and is just tons of fun to listen to. So yeah. This is definitely one of my more selfish selections, but I find it well worth a listen.
XI. You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch from Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas
Now I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you guys. I never saw How The Grinch Stole Christmas until I was a teenager and even then it wasn't the first time that I had heard this song. I had actually heard it on the radio around Christmastime a few years prior to actually watching the special. Still, this is definitely a song not to be ignored.
Sung by Tony The Tiger himself, Thurl Ravenscroft, the song tells about all the ways the Grinch is a horrible being as he, you guessed it, "steals Christmas" from the jolly and cheerful Whos who live in the village below his lair atop Mt. Crumpit.
This song is just tons of fun to listen to. The lyrics by Dr. Seuss are deviously delicious and descriptive as they refer to the Grinch as being "cuddly as a cactus" or having the warmth and fuzziness of "a seasick crocodile" or (my personal favorite) even referring to him as a "3 decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce". How can you not just fall in love with this song and how extremely detailed it is? I've often spent many times just analyzing the lyrics, it's that enjoyable. It also goes without saying that the Grinch served as the introduction to villainy for many young kids and rightfully so. The perfect villainous song for the holidays, that's more than enough for me.
X. Secret Of Survival from The Wind In The Willows (AKA Mr. Toad's Wild Ride)
Now I've never even seen the movie that this came from because, in all honesty, it never looked that interesting to me and, from what I've heard other people say about it, I'm not really missing out on much. But, with all that said, when I first heard this song, it instantly became a favorite of mine. Apparently after Mole gets lost in the Wild Wood, he accidentally runs into the Weasels, who break out into this song to explain that all creatures are only looking out for themselves. "Survival of the fittest" if you will.
This song has such a great sound to it with the music sounding very similar to a racing heartbeat (in fact you could probably argue that it's Mole's heart that's racing during this tense scene). The background is very dark and dreary fitting the song's theme and imagery, creating a very surreal atmosphere in the process. But, at the same time, the movements and actions of some of the Weasels are soo laughably and enjoyably cartoony that it almost leaves you unsure of what to think about it, which I find interesting when certain forms of media can leave you with a mixture of different emotions.
The only downside that I can think of is that it's a very short song. Where most villain songs are at least 3 minutes long, this is closer to 1 1/2. But even then the song is too good to let go unnoticed. If you want to check this song out by itself, feel free to and listen to how great it truly is.
IX. Let's Have A Battle (Of The Bands) from My Little Pony: Equestria Girls - Rainbow Rocks
Now I've been a Brony for about a year and a half now and, as such, I've gotten very familiar with the songs featured in the show and movies. I've even gained a new favorite lyricist in Daniel Ingram, who I have yet to find a song that I hate from him (not that all of his songs are perfect, but even the "not as good" songs are still pretty decent, all things considered). If I was including the My Little Pony TV Show, I'd probably put This Day Aria from the 2-part, Season 2 Finale, A Canterlot Wedding, on the list as that one is also pretty damn Awesome to listen to. I often think to myself that the song is like one I might envision in The Little Mermaid during the scene where Prince Eric is about to marry Ursula in disguise and Ariel is trying to make her way to the ship to crash the wedding, but more on that movie later.
The Dazzlings themselves are a lot of fun to watch. I've heard many people point out similarities between them and the Sanderson Sisters from Hocus Pocus. I've never seen the movie, nor do I intend to as I've heard the movie itself is particularly mean-spirited and nasty towards virgins, so I'll just have to take their word for it. They also have 2 other songs that they sing throughout the movie, but I decided to put this one on the list as it's the song that actually sets the plot into motion. But that doesn't mean that the other songs they sing aren't as good. I still find myself singing many songs from the movie's soundtrack even to this day after first seeing it a little over 1/2 a year ago. If this song had come out earlier or if WatchMojo.com had put out their Non-Disney Animated Villain Songs list later on, I feel like this could've been a great entry on the list (although it still doesn't change the fact that there aren't enough good Non-Disney Animated Villain Songs to justify a Top 10 list, much less have an Honorable Mentions category). The perfect villain song for a triple threat of evil. What more can you ask for?
VIII. Gaston from Beauty And The Beast
Gaston is definitely one of the more interesting Disney villains in my opinion (and I'm sure in a lot of other people's opinions too) as he was one of the frontrunners for the "Handsome Villain" character type. He's definitely good looking and in many cases would be the guy who saves the day and gets the girl in the end. In fact, in the townspeople's eyes, he is the hero, which is where this song comes into play.
Feeling bummed out after Belle refused his marriage proposal and humiliated him in the process, he sits in the local pub wallowing in his own self-pity. In an attempt to cheer him up, Lefou leads the other patrons in a song praising Gaston, pointing out his many attributes from the impressive (his marksmanship and physique) to the mundane (the cleft in his chin).
The setting of the song itself is just soo warm and inviting in contrast to the cold blizzard winds howling outside. You want to be in that pub, having a nice tall beer with the sudsy foam crowning the mug, swinging from the chandeliers, and just joining in the merriment of the patrons.
What really strikes my attention though is how swiftly the song changes to a Dark Reprise of itself, a trope that I very much enjoy when it comes to musicals. After Maurice enters the pub to request help in rescuing Belle from the Beast, and is swiftly thrown out when no one believes him, Gaston continues the song. The music and tone feel the same, but the lyrics themselves are much more sinister as he concocts a plan to blackmail Belle into marrying him or else Maurice gets sent to the insane asylum.
He doesn't even try to hide his villainy in this reprise as he sings of his plotting to have poor harmless Maurice committed, but you almost wouldn't notice it as all the other pub attendees join in with him, still viewing him as the hero. That shows a lot of power for a villain song. Having the whole town on your side even with your evil scheming, this song takes the #8 spot.
VII. The World's Greatest Criminal Mind from The Great Mouse Detective
I could give you a lot of reasons why this song deserves to be on the list, but 2 little words would immediately convince you of its inclusion. Those words are "Vincent Price". The late great horror icon lends his speaking and singing voice to the villain, Professor Ratigan, in this criminally underrated Disney classic.
Here, the evil professor sings about his past successes as he prepares for his most diabolical scheme yet: to oust the Queen of the Mice and take her place as "Supreme Ruler of all Mousedom". This was one of the songs that made the "merry band of singing criminals" style of song popular as it would later on be used in such movies as Shrek, Tangled, and Ice Age: Continental Drift. Yes, I know that the 1950's Peter Pan was technically the first to actually do it, but I honestly feel like The Great Mouse Detective was the movie that did it a little bit better.
Vincent Price was beyond perfect for this song as he brilliantly captures the sinister, yet refined, personality of the character. The whole setting also has a very strong feeling of extravagance and opulence to it. It practically oozes of class and sophistication. There's even a moment where Ratigan stops in the middle of the song to perform a harp solo as he briefly reflects on his past failures at the paws of his sworn nemesis, Basil Of Baker Street. It's the perfect song for an underrated, but nonetheless still great, villain.
VI. A Little Priest from Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street
AND
Feed Me from Little Shop Of Horrors
I had a hard time trying to decide between which of these I wanted to put in this spot so I decided on both, which is actually kind of funny because, listening to both of these songs, I find them to be pretty damn similar. Both songs involve murder, both songs involve eating people, and both songs have the main characters setting their sights on getting back at the person who wronged them and/or someone close to them, not to mention both songs clock in at around the same length with runtimes of about 5 minutes.
So let's start with Sweeney Todd's number. After a failed attempt to murder the corrupt Judge Turpin (Alan Rickman) who wrongfully convicted Sweeney Todd (AKA Benjamin Barker) in order to steal his now poisoned wife, Todd (Johnny Depp) sings with Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter) about killing those that no one would miss and baking them into meat pies, all the while his mind is still focused on slitting the throat of the aforementioned judge. This was the song that actually inspired me to create this list and with good reason.
The lyrics in this song are a lot of fun even with its dark subject matter. All throughout the song, Mrs. Lovett and Todd compare the different types of people as to how they might taste in pies from priests to lawyers to Royal Marines to friars. The descriptions of what meat might come from them are soo diabolically entertaining. Another interesting point to bring up is Todd's commentary of how the high men devour the lower men to maintain their high and mighty positions, which he uses to justify baking them into pies to be devoured by others or how, through these lofty people being murdered and baked into pies to be served to the public, "those above will serve those down below".
While that song is great (as are many of the other songs on the soundtrack), not a lot of people mention Feed Me from Little Shop Of Horrors, which I actually only saw for the first time a couple months ago. After discovering that an unusual plant, dubbed Audrey II after the object of his affection, can talk and is demanding to be fed more blood than he can give, Seymour Krelborn (Rick Moranis) is confronted by Audrey II who suggests that he murder someone to feed to the blood hungry plant. Though initially mortified by the idea, he sets his sights on murdering sadistic dentist, Orin Scrivello (Steve Martin) after seeing how he verbally and physically abuses his girlfriend, Audrey, who Seymour has feelings for.
This song has such a fun, soulful, rock type of feel to it that I really enjoyed. This comes mostly from the music and the vocal talents of Four Tops lead vocalist, Levi Stubbs, as the voice of Audrey II. This song was soo fun that I actually rewound it just to hear it again I loved it that much. Hell, I was even impressed by Rick Moranis' vocal work in the song. Interesting bit of trivia: Moranis actually went to elementary school with legendary frontman of Rush, Geddy Lee (makes me wonder if some of Lee's musical talent rubbed off on him).
Even though Moranis has somewhat retired from acting to spend time with his children after the death of his one and only wife (an honorable choice you can't deny), I would be interested in seeing him possibly taking on another musical in the near future. But, until then (if it ever happens), we've still got these 2 great songs for the price of one.
V. In The Dark Of The Night from Anastasia
Growing up, Anastasia was one of my favorite movies to watch. Even my younger sister enjoyed watching it with me. It was one of those animated, non-Disney movies that actually felt like a Disney movie to me and one of legendary animator Don Bluth's final films.
Stuck in Limbo after an unsuccessful attempt to destroy the entire Romanov family who banished him for treason, the sorcerer, Rasputin, reunited with the unholy reliquary he sold his soul for to ensure their destruction, plots his revenge against Anastasia, the girl who escaped the Romanov's curse.
Though the character of Rasputin is voiced by Christopher Lloyd (famous for such roles as Doc Brown from the Back To The Future Trilogy and Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?), the singing voice is actually provided by legendary voice actor, Jim Cummings, whose voice matches up soo perfectly you'd probably never be able to tell the difference. The song itself has a very rock opera type of feel to it that's tons of fun, though I feel like having a bunch of cartoon bugs singing the chorus kind of ruins what would've been an otherwise dark and foreboding atmosphere. If they really wanted to keep that sinister feel, I think they should've gone with different characters portraying the background singers like demons, monsters, or skeletons.
But what am I doing bitching about this song? Maybe it wasn't their intentions for it to be too sinister and dark? It's still an impressive number all around and definitely deserving of the #5 spot.
IV. Poor Unfortunate Souls from The Little Mermaid
The Little Mermaid has always been a favorite movie of mine ever since I was younger and with good reason. Not only did it kickstart what would become known as the Disney Renaissance, not only did it have a strong female lead, not only did it have a memorable villain (a list for another day), but the songs were all amazing and became instant classics.
Desperate to be with Prince Eric, young Mermaid Princess Ariel seeks the help of sea witch Ursula, who tells her the only way for her to get her prince is to become human herself. What follows is a song used to make her evil deeds look like acts of generosity and genuine kindness.
This song works great on soo many levels. First off is the tone. It starts very slow and peaceful almost like something one might dance a waltz to, but, as the song continues, it eventually gets faster, louder, and more insane, making the decisions Ariel must choose even more frantic. It also works well in the same way that many other songs on this list do in that it shows off the villain's vocal range and power while furthering the plot of the story.
This song was created by the musical team of Alan Menken and the late great Howard Ashman, who first became famous for their work on Little Shop Of Horrors. The two of them would go on to be frequent collaborators with Disney for movies such as The Little Mermaid (which Ashman served as co-producer on), Beauty And The Beast, and some of the songs on Aladdin before Ashman died of AIDS-related complications on March 14, 1991 and Tim Rice took over songwriting.
Menken still collaborates with Disney frequently (his most recent work being on the 2010 film, Tangled), but I often wonder what might've been if Ashman had lived longer? What alternate timeline might've been created had his songwriting genius been around for an extended period of time? It certainly might've helped in areas where we had such cinematic stinkers as Pocahontas, Brother Bear, Home On The Range, and Chicken Little, but, even then, had he been around for a longer period of time, I might not have gotten some of my favorite Disney movies like The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, The Princess And The Frog, Tangled, Wreck-It Ralph, or, yes, even Frozen.
In the end, I think it's best to just take the good and ignore the bad, because what is good is really good. Howard, I lovingly put this song at #4 in your memory.
III. Be Prepared from The Lion King
When I was a kid watching The Lion King, Scar was one of those villains who just freaked the shit out of me and this song was a good example of why. After his hyenas' first attempt at killing Simba failed when Mufasa showed up, Scar sings about his plans to off both Mufasa and Simba, taking over Pride Rock as the new king.
Jeremy Irons provides the voice of Scar as well as most of the lines in the song, but, once again, Jim Cummings provides part of Scar's vocals for the song and no one would ever be able to tell that 2 different people were singing one character's lines. That's pretty damn impressive if you ask me.
The setting is also a lot of fun to watch as it goes from sickly green to grainy yellow to hellish red and even the ground itself shifts, rising in some areas and falling in others. And, oh yeah, let's take a second to discuss the "hyenas from the Third Reich". As a kid who knew nothing about Nazi Germany or even Hitler, I didn't make the connection when I saw these hyenas goosestepping in rows in front of Scar. It was still scary nonetheless, I just didn't make that connection at a young age. But now that I'm older and have a better understanding of it, I'm just like "Holy Shit!!! That's totally a Nazi reference in a Disney film!"
As a kid, I was the one who was always trying to sing this song while everyone else around me was singing Hakuna Matata (not that I didn't join in at times, but I was very reluctant to do so). This song has been a favorite of mine for a long time and I'm sure it will continue to be a favorite of mine far into the future.
II. Friends On The Other Side from The Princess And The Frog
I know a lot of you might consider it blasphemy or sacrilege to put this song above something like Be Prepared, but I'm sorry. I just love this song that much. People seem to have mixed feelings over whether or not The Princess And The Frog is even a good Disney movie at all (I personally like the female lead, Tiana, enjoy the return to hand drawn animation, find some of the supporting characters enjoyable (particularly Tiana's best friend, Charlotte. She is such a riot, I've pissed my pants with laughter from how hilarious she is.), and I even like a few of the songs), but one thing that absolutely no one can deny is how kick-ass Awesome Dr. Facilier (AKA "The Shadowman") is as the villain and his song is the perfect means of displaying that.
When slacker Prince Naveen arrives in Louisiana looking for a good time, he's soon greeted by Facilier who smooth talks him and his valet, Lawrence, into stepping into his voodoo emporium, promising to give them what they desire most with assistance from his "friends on the other side".
Dr. Facilier is voiced by Keith David, who it's nice to see is getting work again after voicing Goliath in Gargoyles over a decade earlier, and he does a damn impressive job singing the song too. Facilier's (and his shadow's) movements throughout the song are just soo enjoyably slick and cartoony that it's fun to watch. Cartoony animation is either hit or miss for me as I've seen some uses of cartoony animation that just annoyed me to death while also seeing some great uses of it (I still stand by Hotel Transylvania as properly using fast and cartoony animation to match the comedic tone while also not shying away from the softer more dramatic moments where a character's turmoil needs to be addressed), but I digress.
The visuals during the song are just soo beautiful to look at that I'm amazed by their use of color, particularly close to the end where it almost seems to turn into the best acid trip ever!!! Seriously though, each frame in that song could be hung up as a work of art. Even taking the song out of the equation, you could just watch the visuals without sound and still enjoy it.
Speaking of the song, it's written by Randy Newman, who I'm not particularly fond of. I don't hate him necessarily, but it often seems like many of his songs are just "rinse and repeat" versions of songs he's already done before and therefore are overall forgettable. For instance, I watched James And The Giant Peach for the first time about a year ago, which Newman wrote all the songs for, and... I can't remember a single song from that movie it's that forgettable.
Most of the songs in this movie are pretty forgettable too, but I do have 3 songs from it that I genuinely like: Almost There, which is pretty decent enough, Dig A Little Deeper, which is sort of a guilty pleasure of mine as I really like the Southern Gospel Revival feel of it, and this song, which is tons of fun to listen to and sing along.
One of the other aspects of this song that I really like is the clever use of wordplay and foreshadowing by the Shadowman himself when talking to Naveen. He makes it sound like he's gonna be making Naveen really wealthy, but we the audience know what really lies ahead when he mentions "green" or "being free to hop from place to place". The song is soo great that it even makes an appearance at the end in the form of a Dark Reprise when Facilier is dragged by shadowy figures to hell (Ya know, for kids). Even with it being a more recent song, I have the feeling it's going to be around for quite a while.
Before I belt out my #1 choice, I'd like to take a moment to look at some Honorable Mentions. I'm not sure if this is going to be a regular thing with me and my Top 12 lists, but for now I really like this subject and I think it deserves it.
Honorable Mentions:
Savages from Pocahontas
Yeah yeah. Pocahontas is nowhere near my favorite Disney movie and it really screws up American history with its portrayal of tension between the Jamestown settlers and the Native Americans (although, let's be honest, the tension between them wasn't entirely absent from the original history), but this song has some really dark and hate-filled language from both sides that I feel gives it a nice edge and bite. Additionally, as much as I don't like this movie, I've gotta admit that the use of color throughout can be very pretty to look at. Also worth mentioning is the 2nd half of this song where you've got the 3-way competing vocals between the settlers, the Native Americans, and Pocahontas herself. It has almost a full on Broadway feel to it, like Phantom Of The Opera or Wicked, as it reaches a tense, nail-biting climax.
Playing With The Big Boys from The Prince Of Egypt
A pretty decent song from an underrated movie from Dreamworks' earlier years. The vocals from Steve Martin and Martin Short can be hit or miss, but the clever wordplay and references to various gods in the Egyptian pantheon is well worth pointing out. Plus watching one cobra go all Hannibal Lecter on the other two has gotta be worth something. :-)
Mother Knows Best and its Reprise from Tangled
Not necessarily setting any evil schemes or plot into motion so I didn't include it in the final cut, but it still deserves to be talked about for its tone alone. The first version has an upbeat feeling to it almost like a song a hero would sing all while Mother Gothel demeans Rapunzel, listing all the reasons she wouldn't survive in the outside world by herself. The Dark Reprise of the song, though, is particularly sinister with its cold blue and misty background as she completely rips apart the one connection Rapunzel has made in the outside world, not to mention the fact that the connection is someone she's grown to have feelings for. Dayum that's cold!!!
Prince Ali (Reprise) from Aladdin
Another Dark Reprise (I told you guys I love this trope in musicals) has Jafar revealing Aladdin's facade before banishing him to the ends of the Earth. Johnathan Freeman's vocals (which almost remind me of Vincent Price in some respects) are Awesome, particularly when he ends the song with that bone chilling cackle that terrified me as a kid, but, unfortunately, it was under a minute and a half and was therefore way too short to make the list.
The Mob Song from Beauty And The Beast
This is a song that I actually put on the same level as Savages because, just like with A Little Priest and Feed Me, the 2 sound a lot alike. That "power" I said Gaston had earlier is on full display here as he feeds the fears of the villagers through mob psychology, all the while smiling and nodding with pleasure as the coup to kill the Beast takes place before him. Definitely has a dark and sinister feel to it, but I personally find Gaston to be much more fun to sing in the end. Had this been on the list, I probably would've put it tied with Savages for whatever spot it ended up in.
Big And Loud (particularly the Reprise) from Cats Don't Dance
Another Randy Newman song (he can do good songs every now and then, people) from a relatively unknown, yet still pretty decent, movie that I saw when I was younger. As is typical of Randy Newman, don't remember a single song from this movie except for this one (maybe Randy Newman should just stick to writing villain songs, I'm just sayin'). Very interesting hearing this song sung by a Shirley Temple style villain particularly when it gets to, you guessed it, the Dark Reprise where she reveals her true intentions.
And finally...
Toxic Love from Ferngully: The Last Rainforest
Many of you are probably going to persecute me for leaving this song off the list, but in the end it's my list. I didn't grow up with Ferngully like most others did and therefore didn't know about this song til I was in my late teens. The song itself can get preachy with its heavy hinting at the whole "humans are evil, nature is good" bullshit that plagues soo many movies like it (and I want to make it perfectly clear that I'm not anti-environment as I have enjoyed the original Lorax cartoon, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and WALL-E, which I feel are among the rare few that properly handle the topic of environmentalism and I've even heard that the Anime classic Princess Mononoke did a good job with its message too), but the Awesome vocals of Tim Curry are enough for it to at least be mentioned. And you know what, Nostalgia Critic didn't put it on his villain songs list either so I'm not entirely alone in my way of thinking here.
O.K. You guys have waited long enough and this is the moment you've all been waiting for. So without any further ado my #1 favorite Villain Song is...
I. Hellfire from The Hunchback Of Notre Dame
Yeah yeah. Many of you probably saw this coming relatively quickly and it almost seems cliched for me to put it at the top of the heap like soo many before me have done, but I can't help it. There's just soo much to love about this song. Now you've probably noticed that, in the accompanying video, I included the preceding song, Heaven's Light, but that's because both songs go together perfectly in the way that they have such opposing views of the same subject.
Quasimodo first starts off singing about observing lovers from a distance and how they have a certain positive aura that he can only describe as "Heaven's Light", something that he's thought himself to be unworthy of on account of his hideousness... at least until he met the gypsy girl, Esmeralda, who was the first person to not be afraid of his outward appearance. He then fantasizes about her possibly caring for him as he rings the cathedral bells, leading us into our villain song.
Judge Claude Frollo, a man who views himself as righteous and holy (something he takes great pride in), sings about how he's falling victim to his lustful feelings for the same gypsy girl, all the while denying any fault of his own. Once he finds out that Esmeralda has escaped from Notre Dame Cathedral, where she had previously claimed Sanctuary from Frollo, he sets it in his mind that he'll find her even if he has to burn down all of Paris, coming to the conclusion that if he can't have her then the flames of hell will.
I only ever saw this movie when I was in college and it's quickly become one of my favorite Disney movies of all-time. This was certainly one of the ballsiest movies to ever come out of Disney as the original source material is anything but kid friendly and this movie certainly doesn't shy away from some of those darker elements, tackling such taboo topics as religion, lust, prejudice, and murder. Hell, Frollo himself wants to commit genocide against all the gypsies.
One of my favorite parts of this song are the moments where the Dramatic Choir (one of my favorite cliches for any movie) sings in Latin, adding a very dark and haunting atmosphere to it. Something that a lot of people who've seen this movie plenty of times before could probably point out quickly is the fact that the Latin Choir mostly shows up during moments of intense drama normally caused by Frollo himself. It just always accompanies any scene where Frollo is involved which I thought was pretty clever.
Something I was quick to notice with both Heaven's Light and Hellfire is how much the songs and the singers themselves are complete polar opposites of each other. Quasimodo sings with absolute humility about his longing for innocent love that he once thought himself unworthy of receiving until Esmeralda came into his life and treated him with kindness in spite of his appearance. Frollo, on the other hand, sings, prideful on account of his supposed piousness, about his struggles with sinful lust towards the same girl.
The mysterious red cloaked figures during Frollo's moment of denial are particularly chilling. I don't even know for certain what they're supposed to represent and I doubt many kids would be able to figure out what they mean either, which I think was kind of the purpose of their inclusion: leaving them open to audience interpretation. Personally, I like to think of them as the spirits of the past saints, there to condemn Frollo for his lustful desires. As Frollo sings about not being at fault for his sins, these mysterious figures sing in Latin what translates out to "Through my fault" and "Through my most grievous fault." I personally think it works.
Another interesting aspect of it is how the song itself serves as a callback to the movie's opening number, The Bells Of Notre Dame. I've even noticed that they used some of the same Latin phrases in both songs. The 2 songs also play well off each other as, in "Bells", it's sung that Frollo saw corruption everywhere except inside himself, which fits perfectly with Hellfire as he continues to deny that these lustful feelings towards Esmeralda were due to his own fault. Finally, this song sets itself apart from other villain songs in the sense that it doesn't have the villain singing about how evil he/she is but instead focuses on the villain's internal struggle with lust brought on by his sexual desires.
This song deserves soo much praise as it was willing to take risks regarding something that's targeted towards kids and, in my opinion, those risks payed off big time which is why this is my #1 Favorite Villain Song of all-time.
And that was my Top 12 Favorite Villain Songs list. I hope you enjoyed it and I'd like to know what your opinions are on my choices. Did you agree with them? Did you disagree with them? Do you feel like I failed to mention another song or that some songs should've been ranked differently? I can already feel the hate that's going to pour in for me not putting Toxic Love on the list. Anyways, I'll be sure to put out more of these lists as I come up with more ideas for them. So until then, I hope that you guys have a great day and I'll see you on the next blog post. Take care.
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